10.28.2006

World Series Champs, Bitches

Yo, what up dirtbags. J-Weeve, rightful World Motherfucking Series MVP, here. I haven't washed the champagne and Cuervo outta my sweet motherfucking hair yet, pulled the bitches off my dicks, or finished watching my favorite episode of Silver Spoons, but I needed to take a timeout to give a few shout-outs and get some shit off my chest. So listen up, J-Weeve about to drop some knowledge on all y'alls asses.

First off, most importantly, fuck all y'all who didn't give us redbirds a flying fuck of a chance. Let me tell you this: when you got bad mofos like myself, C-Carp, SOOP, and Rey-Rey trotting out there to throw some nasty junk at an overrated offense (except for Casey, I give that white boy props for his sexy bat and his gimpy running), you gots to know that us redbirds should be favs. I don't wanna hear no sqwuakin about how the Tiggers forgot how to hit or how they beat themselves with crazy stupid defense. It all comes back to throwin the ball. And me and the boys were throwin balls. Liberal media best recognize in the future.

Second, I have nothin but love for the two LA teams. All y'all are stupid as fuck, but I guess that worked out for the best, huh? If you'da pulled your heads outta your asses, kept a little J-Weeve around, maybe y'alld be gettin the sweet ass I'm gettin right now. World Series titles and sweet ass follow J-Weeve around like Big Mac used to eat HGH. Think about it.

Third, Bud Selig, you're death-like face needs to eat a dick. One: you gave my MVP trophy to that little guy that FOX constantly fellates. What's up with that shit? All he ever did was play scrappy. I play balls out, throwin absolute peas at these dumb fucking hitters for 8 innings, only to get pulled so some douche bag closer-poser can almost blow the game. Bullshit. Two: You can't even pronounce "Eck-steen's" name right, you douche, until someone tells you it's "Eck-stine." Everyone knows how to say J-Weeve. And that's for a reason. And that reason is that I'm the rightful goddamned MVP. Now give me that hott yellow car.

Last but not least, I gotta profess my love to the SaintL fans. You's the best. But to that fan with the "Dreamweaver" sign in the crowd last night--what the shit? You's gay. I don't think I gots to say why.

J-Weeve out.

5 comments:

MB said...

I want to buy Angels, Dodgers, Yankees, and Tigers fans a t-shirt that says: "JEFF WEAVER ... THROWIN' ABSOLUTE PEAS AT YO ASS."

Has there been a bigger performance by a starting pitcher in a World Series game who's been in the bigs for at least 5 years and is 15 games under .500? Weaver would have to go 20-5 next year just to be a .500 pitcher.

Maybe just the sight of Weaver on the mind automatically reverted the Tigers to how awful they were when he pitched for them.

Gage said...

Jeeze, how did you land an exclusive guest post from Jeff Weaver? We've officially got juice now.

Jason said...

I love Casey because he reminds me of Gage before Year of Gage, all slow and bearded with an awkward body.

trout said...

also Casey loves God. A lot. Which is a lot like Gage.

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