10.31.2006

Get Me the Hell Off This Sunken Ship

Or give me more money to keep punching my timecard at this futile organization. Either way, I don't really care. I'm not exactly sure how much money I'm worth, but it is easily more than the approximately $10 million I was due next year. After all, you'll notice that I hit .291 with 38 homers and 119 RBIs last year, mostly in meaningless games after my team was already hopelessly out of reach of playoff contention. Notice that these numbers are not that different from those of Alex Rodriguez, who hit .290/35/121 last year. You will also notice that I only comitted 13 errors last season, as compared to Mr. Rodriguez's 24 errors.

As Moises Alou once told me as he was peeing on his hands, numbers do not lie. Therefore, I am a player of equal stature to Mr. Rodriguez. I can also verify that I am more well-endowed than Mr. Rodriguez. Hence, I am worth at least as much as Mr. Rodriguez's $21 million per season. Also, during the course of my research, I have found that the girly-man Magglio Ordonez makes $16 million per season. Take one look at his luscious locks and tell me he is worth more than I am. You cannot do it. You cannot do it because he is not. He is in all ways less of a man than me, Aramis.

In closing, I would just like to make it clear that I am not filing for free agency in search of more money. I'm doing it for the fans. The fans of the Chicago Cubs, or whomever decides to hire my services, deserve a more well-compensated Aramis Ramirez. Especially all my fans back in the Dominican, who will never see as much money in their lifetime as I spend on underpants in a weekend: this is for you. I'm working hard to keep the dream alive.

Regards,

Aramis

10 comments:

Gage said...

huh huh underpants

Jason said...

In April 2005, Ramirez signed a four-year, $42 million contract with an option for a fifth year at $11 million.

Though the contract included an option to file for free agency after the 2006 season, Ramirez said at the time he didn't expect to exercise it, adding, "I want to be a Cub for the rest of my life."

I guess I haven't looked at baseball contracts in a few years. I didn't know $10 million per year was a small amount now.

Notorious B.O.B. said...

Maybe the yankees will overpay him to come to new york and then platoon him with A-Rod at 3rd. That way their nickname could be Car Ram-Rod. Yes! I've managed to work in a Super Troopers reference.

MB said...

Dear Aramis,

Testify! Being underpaid sucks ass!

Signed,

Gary Sheffield

Rob said...

Soooo.....if you were working at a job paying $10 mil and knew you could earn $15-20 mil at another job (or possibly by simply declining the option and renegotiating with your same employer), I suppose you would turn that down.

No? Hmmmm.

trout said...

yeah, a false sense of morality often gets attached to athletes when we start talking about how much money they make. let's say, though, that i wanted to renegotiate with my employer to get $15/hour instead of 10... that's completely different than asking for $15 million instead of $10 million. as i see it, wanting another $5/hour doesn't necessarily qualify as greed. wanting another $5 million a season necessarily does.

and that doesn't even get into issues of wanting to make the team better. does it help the cubs to pay aramis ramirez $5 million more per season, or does it help them to put $5 million towards some competent bench players, bullpen help, or an end of the rotation starter?

Rob said...

trout, I certainly understand your argument, but very few professional athletes are going to agree with you. It's the way life is, and I think it's slightly unfair to bash Aramis Ramirez when he knows that, in this year's bloated free agent class, he's in for a HUGE pay day.

In any event, despite whatever he may have said when he signed with the Cubs, he's only been there for two years, so it's not like he's a life-long Cubs player now deserting the team.

Frankly, apologies to all the Cubs fans, but given the state of the team, I think you'd be hard pressed to find too many athletes willing to turn down the type of cash Aramis is due to get to stick around. Maybe he'd play for less if the team had a reasonable chance of success next year, but that's highly unlikely.

trout said...

Point taken, Rob. But I wasn't trying to bash Aramis Ramirez personally so much as hold him up as representative, in ways, of what I see as something wrong with the world of professional sports (and, I might add, the larger general culture) as it is. It's also just particularly evident in Ramirez's case because he's opting out of a guaranteed contract (which is certainly his right--hell, if I was Aramis Ramirez, I'd want to get the fuck out of Chicago too. In that sense, he's probably not the best example to have used in my stab at satire).

Whether it's A-Rod signing with Texas for $25 million/year knowing damn well that he was nearly preventing them from fielding a competitive team or any number of free agents selling themselves to the highest bidder.

I think it's easy--much too easy--to just pass that kind of atmosphere off as "that's just the way it is," rather than realizing that there are alternative value systems out there that athletes are capable--just as we all are--of exercising. As a small example, Jermaine Dye ended up signing with the White Sox 2 seasons ago after he verbally comitted to them--even though he was offered more money by another team.

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