10.11.2006

The Genius of a Pants Dropper

So last night ex-Red and current cripple (as Jason so aptly pointed out) Sean Casey did something to his calf and will miss Game 2; the medical professionals apparently still don't know what he did (although they think maybe it's just a strain). But that didn't stop Steve Lyons from immediately using the FOX super slow-mo camera to diagnose Casey "blowing out his calf." Excuse me? Blowing out his calf? I'm sorry, do muscles "blow out," Steve? Personally, I couldn't tell if a calf muscle normally jiggled like that in super slow-mo or not. But Steve Lyons, bless his heart, was thankfully there to tell us what happened. It's like Bill Frist, in his infinite medical wisdom, declaring Terri Schiavo fit to run a marathon based on some decade-old video, except somehow less idiotic. It also made me sad I couldn't find a picture of Steve Lyons pulling his pants down at second base. Isn't this what the internet is for, people? Somebody needs to get on the ball here.

Lou Piniella, of course, promptly chimed in with something to the effect of, "Yeah, that's not something he'll probably come back from for a while," as Thom Brennaman sat there uncomfortably stuck in the booth with these two jokers trying to fill air. As bad as Tim McCarver and Joe Morgan are, they still don't drag down the booth like Lyons and Piniella. What is the world coming to when we can't even get Bob Costas in the goddamn booth for the playoffs? Baseball needs you, Bob; don't be such a jealous mistress, NBC football.

Here's a kind of strange idea that may have been nixed at one point or another because of contractual issues: why don't playoff games get called by the home team's regular season play-by-play and color guys? I know, I know, the entire nation would have been stuck with Hawk Harrelson's homer-isms and Darrin Jackson's borderline retardation throughout the White Sox' playoff run last year, but at least there would have been variety. At the very least, we'd get to hear several different broadcast teams throughout the playoffs instead of being stuck with likes of McCarver, Lyons, and Piniella throughout. And, there are actually some good TV guys out there, I'm sure; I know the Red Sox team is a good one. So make it fucking happen already, Bud. Oh yeah, nevermind. I forgot that you suck.

2 comments:

Gage said...

Steve Lyons only gets two weeks a year to be on national tv and prove to the world that he's an idiot. Next week he might declare that he's just has a nuclear weapons test in his pants. Plus when was the last time YOU wrote an autobiography: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1582613605

On another note Thom Brennaman is doing a bunch of Reds games next year and I couldn't be more ambivalent. He seems totally vanilla.

Notorious B.O.B. said...

I like when Hawk is pouring himself another scotch so DJ has to do the play by play himself and then starts to make bad jokes that he laughs at. I can only imagine the competition that he beat out for that job.