Gage's Picks of Mediocrity (Week 5)

I refuse to speak ill of Mark Brunell for several weeks now. I have bet against him for several weeks and every week he has fucked me over. The record for consecutive completions? What the fuck was that? You got me you silly son of a bitch. At least this week the Bengals are on bye and I won't be tempted to bet on them. Just too emotional.
And, if you're wondering, yes I was at the game Sunday. No, I haven't come to terms with it. Talk about dropping a big turd. I haven't seen them play that bad in a couple of years. I'm surprised Carl Pickens didn't come out of retirement to make some disparaging comments about the organization. It was so bad I spent five minutes in the bathroom after the game listening to some drunk guy give me his thesis on why Marvin is a bad third quarter coach. Anyway, I'm picking games.

Washington (+4.5) over NY Giants
Let's get this out of the way. I'm reversing my fortunes on this one. Better late than never. Also, Clinton Portis is a stud. Everyone's still a little groggy after drinking the kool aid on the Giants and this line seems high.

San Diego (-3) over Pittsburgh
The Chargers lost a heartbreaker last week to Steve McNair and his crotchey old knees. I was standing in the concourse watching this one end last week and the whole crowd was in complete disbelief. Of course my dad began preaching about how great McNair is and would hear none of any argument, making me want to strangle someone. So, this is one they want to get back. And, I'm a firm believer in the trouble east coast teams have going out west for games (see the Reds season-killing west coast road trip) and having a hard time with the travel. I have no stats to back this up.

Carolina (-8) over Cleveland
Steve Smith Steve Smith Steve Smith Steve Smith Steve Smith Steve Smith Steve Smith Steve Smith Steve Smith Steve Smith. Now name a Cleveland defensive back.

Buffalo (+10) over Chicago
Ten points!? Buffalo isn't that bad. I still say Chicago wins, but ten points is a lot. Of course, here is another one of those games that gives me a bad feeling. I've been riding Chicago all season and now I'm jumping off like a coked out hooker. What is wrong with me?

New Orleans (-6.5) over Tampa Bay
My first thought: the Saints are a better team by a touchdown than the Bucs on a neutral field and you gotta give them credit for playing at home. The superdome will be crazy again. I refuse to pick against them at home this year. (Note: after an ill-advised week off, my man crush on Drew Brees makes its triumphant return)

Last Week: 2-3 (again, goddamnit)
Season Record: 11-9

Jon's Picks:
Indy -18
Arizona +3.5
Pittsburgh +3
New England -10
Cleveland +8

Last Week: 2-3
Season Record: 10-9-1