9.17.2006

Trout's Picks of Contrariety (Week 1) (for Week 2)

If Gage loses, I win. Sounds like a safe bet to me.

Tampa Bay (+5.5) over Atlanta

Don't believe the Atlanta hype. The TBay defense confuses an already dumb Mike Vick, Derrick Brooks (does he still play?) smashes Alge Crumpler's liver, taking him out in the second quarter. In addition to this, Chris Simms plays more like his daddy than himself, which is to say, passably. Caddylacky will run for his hundred plus, getting off the schnide from last week (he has to; he has been killer for my Madden '07 fantasy drafted team).

Green Bay (-2.5) over New Orleans
Brett Favre likes being at home. Unfortunately, he will get injured in the first quarter, prompting Aaron Rodgers to lead the Packers to 7 field goals in a 21-10 victory over that francophile black and gold team.

Pittsburgh (-2.5) over Jacksonville
Pittsburgh will cover on the strength of Bill Cowher's mustache alone. That, and Leftwich will throw a lot of interceptions.

Chicago (-9) over Detroit
Roy Williams guarantees a Lions victory in this game. This means that the Lions will, in fact, get their asses handed to them. Bears score 2 defensive TDs, 2 offensive TDs, more than enough to beat Jon Kitna, no matter what sort of "game manager" he is. (He's an ugly-blowout-losing game manager in this particular game).

Oakland (+12) over Baltimore
Oakland's not that bad, Baltimore's not that good. Neither team will score much. Hence, Oakland covers. Side prediction: Randy Moss catches a TD as Jerry Porter plays pinochle with a fan in the crowd.