Triathlon 2006: Better Bring Your 'A' Game

The holday season seems to come sooner and sooner every year. For me, it all kicks off on September 23rd this year (this Saturday). That's right, it's the 2006 incarnation of the event we simply call the "Triathlon." I think I can say without hesitation that this is the sporting event of the year. It's Christmas, New Years and my birthday all rolled in to one. It's a simple concept really. Take three 'athletic' events, a bunch of dudes on two-man teams, a free Saturday and a whole bunch of beer and you've got an event. Last year's event (the 2005 Triathlon, coincidentally) was a big hit and included cornhole, ping pong and hillbilly golf as the events. If you're not from the region of the country where cornhole is popular, you're missing out. This year we will be bringing back the 'hole and the 'pong, but with an added twist: Pop-A-Shot basketball!!! Awwww fuck naw. You know it.

The whole shebang goes down at noon Saturday at Camp Gage where everybody gets split into teams of two, by luck of the draw (Heidi Klum will be doing the honors). Then we play round-robin style at each event until the sun goes down. The point system is as follows: 5 points for a win in any one event plus bonus points for skunks and whitewashes. Then the fun begins. A single beer bong (at any point in the day) is worth one bonus point. A double (24 oz.) is worth three points, etc. Basically, at the end of the night, you can find the contendors for the crown doing whatever damage they can to their livers before the whistle blows. Teamwork really comes in handy at this point. You hold my bong and I'll hold yours.
The competition is wide open this year as last year's champions Bobby and Nugget have both gone into early retirement (I predict '07 comeback campaigns on both their parts). From what I hear, the field has really been conditioning in the off-season and are looking fierce. We're looking at 28 competitors this year (14 teams) which will be a new record. You can't show up with anything other than your 'A' game, or else this might happen. Bring it, and bring it all day long.


trout said...

Man, why did you have to pick that picture of Heidi Klum, of all pictures? She looks half-retarded...

Gage said...

That's her post-coital look. Trust me I know it well.
Actually, it just looked like she was actually drawing a name so it tied in. Get off my back, homeboy.