9.20.2006

Sights & Sounds at PBS

I'm one of the lucky ones. As and Bengals fan I go to probably seven games a year. And my seats are pretty kick ass. With the exception of that bitchy old hag who asks me to sit down on third and short. Nothing could be better than that instant where I seriously think about pouring my beer on a 60 year old lady.
I've also seen my share of Browns fans. They used to come down in swarms bringing their pigpen-esque dust clouds all the way across the state. Seriously, is there a group more universally understood to be white trash? All I'm saying is ownership better be real glad monster truck rallies and wife beating seminars aren't held on Sunday afternoons. Back in the day, both games managed to meet the "pillow fight of the year" status and anybody could win. This year they came out, but in decidedly lesser numbers. Nobody was too rowdy. It was a day of harmony in the state of Ohio. A 34-17 home team rout will do that.

Other Sights & Sounds
- Apparently (thanks to a quick google search) I was sitting right by Frye Guy and the Bone Lady. Talk about in the presence of greatness. A lady who obviously needs a real job and a new hobby and a guy who has dedicated himself (and quite a bit of fabric) to cheering for an unproven QB from Akron. Way to pick your horse buddy.

- It was an absolutely perfect day, for those who brought their sunscreen. My brother went with me and by halfway through the first quarter his face was as red as a baboon's ass. I remembered to wear a hat, but I knew I was doomed too. Good thing I always keep an emergency supply of Aloe at the house.

- Some redneck Browns fan in front of us showed up wearing jeans. You could tell she was really warm. So, at halftime she dissapeared with her friends and showed up again with jean shorts. That's right, she cut off the bottom of her pants at the game. I'm pretty sure it's because she was hot. She could have just been offering her snatch to the entire crowd.

- $8 Beer. How did this happen? How many of these did I buy? Enough that I was shirtless for a quarter and a half. I'm not proud, but I refuse to be ashamed.

- Chad's Chicken Dance. Now, I'm sure to the rest of the world, this seemed totally lame, but in Cincinnati the chicken dance is iconic. This sonnovabitch really knows how to play to his crowd.

- Kellen Winslow gave me a thumbs up. Our seats are three rows behind the visitors' bench. I was drunk and yelled "Hey Winslow, you're a fucking soldier!" He turned around grinned like an idiot (already down three scores) and gives a big thumbs up. Question: did he think that I was actually cheering for him instead of making fun of him? The world will never know. (Also, I know this was a lame thing to yell, but I never thought he would respond anyway. I think if I had it to do over I would go with "Hey Winslow, really losing the war out there!" or "Winslow, nobody gives a shit about the U!" I dunno, maybe I did alright)

- Don't forget about a 34-17 beat down and a 2-0 record. Bitches.