Mr. Red: Bringing Sexy Back

Way to go Mr. Red! Reports are stating that you've got a new look (same as the old look la la la). That's right Cincinnati, Mr. Red is bringing back the moustache. And I, for one, am wholeheartedly in favor of it. We all know the strength that lies in the hairlip. From moustache rides to NFL playoff runs. Just look at that diving catch. Apparently this is all part of the Reds' "Power of Tradition" plan. While that's the least catchy promotion name ever, I'm excited for what it means. Can we get some umpires wearing ties? Will there be a dress code for fans in attendance? Will players go back to working like endentured servants? Can we please get some sleeves on the uniforms? That aside, here's to you, Mr. Red(leg). Surely you'll be pulling in some sweet, sweet poon with your new 'stache. Strippers will love you, and you'll get less confused looks when cranking Def Leppard in your el Camino. I truly can't thank you enough for bringing the sexy back to Cincinnati.