Look Out Iowa, Here We Come

Let me get two things out of the way right now: I pretty much hate both the Cubs and Notre Dame. So it seems somehow fitting that Jeff Samardzija passed up an NFL career to toil away in the minor leagues. Drew Henson, anyone?

Of course, I don't think Drew Henson could hit a 97 mile per hour fastball. Or maybe he could. Whatever. As it stands, Samardzija is apparently a pretty good pitching prospect. Or at least the Cubs think he could be. Which are two completely different things. In any event, Samardzija signed a five year $10 million contract with the Cubs, thereby signing away his football future. Enjoy riding shitty buses all over the Midwest, playing a ridiculous baseball schedule, and humping the likes of Susan Sarandon instead of playing 16 games a year, flying around in a chartered jet, and humping the likes of Gisele Bundchen. Should be great. Hopefully neither you nor the Cubs regret this decision. And by that I mean I hope you both do.

In other Cubs news, Mark Prior claims he's ready to go for next season. Did you hear that, Cubs fans? Be sure to draft Prior early in your fantasy leagues; your fellow managers will thank you when he goes down with some mysterious arm injury a week into the season.

Oh, to live in Iowa this summer. You may get to see both Mark Prior rehab and Jeff Samardjiza get rocked. It's good to be a Cubs hater.