I came across this at Deadspin a couple days ago, and an alert, non-sports-enthusiast reader brought this to my attention again yesterday: The Detroit Free Press reported that Joel Zumaya is apparently a 12-year-old boy. For those of you too lazy to follow the link, trainers think Zumaya's playoff forearm trouble resulted from playing PS2's "Guitar Hero" video game, not from throwing Fox-tracked 118 mph fastballs. As the Free Press so aptly puts it, "Hummin' Slowed by Strummin'." Ummm... what? Since when is pitching, no matter how fast, been described as "hummin"? Good work, Free Press. As Planet Killer so appropriately notes, puns and rhyming have gotten out of hand in sports headlines. I'm still waiting on the story out of D.C. that proclaims "Bush Asked About WMD's, Responds 'LOL... OMG, BRB!'"... or maybe a report out of Iraq that so poignantly notes "Sunni Killin' Results in New Blood Spillin' High."
Anyway, back to sports. If I was Zumaya, I'd be embarrassed to injure myself playing a fake guitar to "Stairway to Heaven," and only slightly less so than if I had pulled a quad playing Dance Dance Revolution or slipped a disc during a particularly involved version of "Baby One More Time" on Karaoke Revolution. Of course Zumaya isn't the only pitcher with a technologically-related injury lately. Carlos Zambrano's apparent internet porn habits resulted in an arm injury a couple years ago. (This was refuted, in part, but I still like to think of Zambrano as a porn fiend). At least he had the balls to injure himself looking at porn instead of playing a fake guitar, I suppose.
With all these huge contracts being tossed around, I think it's high time teams start adding clauses about DDR, Guitar Hero, and the like, instead of just Roethlisberger-style motorcycling. I hear Soriano has gotten so into SingStar Rocks that he's skipping his off-season conditioning routine.