And it's not because I'm a Michigan fan and my team got dicked over (although Michigan did, in fact, get dicked over). It's because after reading this ESPN article about college coaches' pay structures which almost reads like a lifestyles of the rich and famous piece rather than a critique, I was boiling with rage. I know college football brings in millions and millions of dollars for competitive universities. I know that college sports are ridiculously fun to attend. I know that football scholarships -- supposedly -- give educational opportunity to a lot of kids who might otherwise not have a chance. I know that only a select, elite few college players treat their 2 or 3 college years as a springboard to the NFL. I know that the vast majority of college players play four years, get their degree, and move on to nebulous "marketing," "business," or "physical education" professions (OK, a cheap shot, but I'm not above that). I know all these things.
But I do not fucking fuck fuck fuck fucking know why Urban fucking Meyer gets a $150,000 bonus for being the better cocksucker and getting his team into a deeply, deeply flawed national championship. Fuck, if I was Urban Meyer, I would have paid 50 AP poll voters $1000 apiece to put Florida #2 ahead of Michigan on their ballots. Then I would have paid Gary Danielson $10 grand to fellate Florida on the air in the SEC Championship game. Oh wait, maybe this did happen. At least Urban has $90,000 left over to take a bath of gold coins in.
I know this is a skewed and bias way to compare things, but fuck it, I'm doing it anyway. I present you with the head coach and president salaries of BCS Championship game participants Florida and Ohio State:
Florida's head coach, Urban Meyer, whose "base salary" is $231,750, actually makes a "total package" which annually amounts to about $2.1 million. $2.1 million. Holy fuck. The University of Florida's president, Bernard Machen, who I think is polishing Urban Meyer's car (and by car I mean cock) right now, makes $730,676 annually.
Ohio State's Jim Tressel makes a "base salary" of $450,000 with a "total package" of about $1.6 million annually. Karen Holbrook, OSU's president, makes about $562 grand annually.
Oh, and I should mention that Oklahoma's coach, Bob Stoops, makes $3.45 million a season. Yeah. So does football run the college or does college run the football? Is it any surprise that education for these major football programs is a joke? Yet another reason to hate market capitalism, folks.
And that's your Tuesday afternoon rant, brought to you in an effort to bring the holiday cheer to the Goat.