I Will Regret This in About 14 Hours...

... but the Colts will beat the Bungles tonight. I'm not saying it will be a blowout, but it will be a victory.

Exhibit A: Cincy has the worst passing defense in the league. Indy, if you haven't heard, has those guys Peyton, Reggie, and Marvin. And now that grandpa Ricky Proehl is in the fold, this shit is foolproof.

Exhibit B: Indy is playing at home. Feel the wrath of the hayseed dome, Bungles! While Cincinnati's hayseed stench is allowed to escape in the open air of Poop Brown Stadium, Ocho Cinco and TJ will surely be overwhelmed by HOOOOOOSIER stench.

Exhibit 3: Indy's league-worst run defense. Don't be fooled: this will be nothing more than a gigantic Bungle mindfuck. Marvin Lewis will decide to hand Rudi (don't call me Huxtable) Johnson the ball approximately 60 times, even inexplicably when the Bengals are down by 17 early in the 4th. Unfortunately Rudi fumbles about 4 times, 2 for Colts TDs. "But they can't defend the run," Marvin whimpers to a mildly upset Ol' Brittle Knees.

Exhibit 4: My Bengals-Colts Madden simulation, played on All-Madden mind you, was a 14 point Colts victory. Adam Vinatieri didn't even have to get his ass up off the bench for a field goal. I just penetrated and scored in the Bungles red zone at will. Like the Bungles were a 2-bit whore.

Exhibit 4A: Pictured above, Jen's nickname is "Pocket"! I'll let you fill in the joke.

Exhibit E: It seems everyone at ESPN and in the national media is all of the sudden on the Bungles bandwagon and jumping off the Colts' sinking ship. This is a sure sign that things are, in fact, exactly the opposite of what douches like Tony Kornheiser and Sterling Sharpe think.

No matter what happens, though, it's almost sure to be better than the rest of the shitty games yesterday. So sit back, relax, and strap it down. Get ready for Theismann to drop some knowledge on your asses tonight.