It's About Time to Sit Back, Relax, and Strap it Down...

... because pitchers and catchers report tomorrow to Tucson Electric Park to commence the drive to become the 2007 World Series champion White Sox (oh yeah, the Red Legs report tomorrow too...whatever).

It's an exciting time around here at FTG because it'll be the first full season of baseball we'll be up and running for. And as Kissing Suzy Kolber is to football, FTG is to baseball (at least for me... I guess I should let Gage speak for himself). That means you're all in for a lot of posts--on everything from Jeter and A-Rod's manlove to the finer points of Joe Morgan's borderline retardation--from March through October.

And we'll be kicking off baseball madness in grand style with team-by-team previews of all 30 teams, culminating with previews of the Red Legs and White Sox--two teams I think we can all agree are the teams to beat in their respective leagues. With key players like Bubba Crosby and Darin Erstad finally on board (respectively), how could they not be?

Gage will handle the NL because he has a special interest in pitchers running the bases with ridiculously bulky warm-up jackets. I'll handle the AL, naturally, because that's where real men play.

So bate your breath and work up an erection--baseball's about to be covered as only FTG can cover it.

Purdue Wins. Fuck yeah, or some shit.

Yeah, I used two curse words in the title for this post. Mom would be proud. Anyway, big night for the Boilers as David Teague poured in 32 points in an 81-68 victory. Stick that down your striped pants, Sampson. Everybody agreed this would be a big win going in and I still feel that way, particularly after winning in such a decisive manner.

Sounds like Mackey was rocking last night which is always encouraging. Mackey is never going to be Cameron Indoor or anything like that but people forget the sheer size of the student body and alumni we have. Having a home court advantage is nice because your fans at least get to see some wins. I've been watching Kentucky play all season and they seem to get intimidated playing at home. Probably too many of the boosters threatening to stop the handouts watching from the stands. Assuming this team can win 20 games and get into the tourney, the question becomes: how will they play on a neutral court? If the Maui Invitational (2-1 with wins over Oklahoma and DePaul) is any indication, I'm considering possibly almost becoming sort-of optimistic about their chances. Check back in a few weeks. Go Boilers!

Tony Romo is a Better Snap Holder than Singer

thanks to Tittle500 for the tip

We must protect this leafy green wall-crawling plant!

Well, I guess this is what you get. The Cubs went out and spent a shitload of money bringing in players this off season, so you knew something had to give. Well it did. The franchise has officially spit in the face of every Cubs' fan who loves Wrigley and the tradition by putting advertisements in with the outfield ivy. And this is no ad for Wrigley's chewing gum either. Shoot, who needs tradition when you have Alfonso Soriano? The best part about this is that the bleacher bums probably won't even notice until it's pointed out that a game is going on, by which point they'll be drunk enough to believe that it's some fancy new gardening technique. The upside is this could help Kerry Wood land an endorsement deal: "I always rehab in my Under Armor!"

At Least Somebody Will Be Wearing Red

Tonight, it's a night for lovers. And truly there is no love like that between the Purdue and Indiana basketball teams. It's not quite Keady vs. Knight, but this game still matters, but mostly just inside the state. There are, however, some important implications for both. First, for me personally, I have decided that Kelvin Sampson is a douche and should be given a beatdown every time possible. Way to go with those recruiting violations, K-man. Nice to see the four top 100 recruits from Indiana going to play for Matt Painter next year, isn't it? Second, and probably more importantly, the Boilers really need a few more wins if they want to have a shot at an NCAA appearance. With five games left on the schedule they need to win four to get to the magic 20 win mark before the Big Ten tourney. Every game after this one is winnable, but this team plays road games like they're all on vicodin so I'm not going to count on anything.

The truth of the matter is I really want to hate IU. They should be Purdue's biggest rival, but I can't say a bad thing about anybody I know who went there or Bloomington which is generally a really cool town. I can't even hate them for wearing red due to my baseball and EPL allegiances. I do hate the bookstore for selling warm-up pants for $145. Yeah, that's a thought. Screw them! Maybe tonight we can tell the whole Purdue team that the IU players slept with all their girlfriends. Drama! And on Valentines Day no less. This may be a day of love, but come on, let's build up some real animosity in this rivalry. It deserves it. Screw you opposing large in-state rival!

(Update: well, I started this post before I found out the game had been moved to tomorrow. Oh well, fuck it. I'm posting anyway)

Yikes! Streak-buster post.

Trout and I both know a thing or two about dry spells, and it's been a week, so it's probably time for another post here. Any day now. But, with any real baseball news still a few weeks away and my complete lack of interest in the NBA (does anybody sit down and watch full games?) it's been hard to find anything worth writing about. So, here's what's on my mind...

Soccer is fun to watch. While the majority of the English-speaking population was watching Duke/UNC last Wednesday, my amigos and I were watching the USA/Mexico friendly. I knew I was excited for this game when they first announced it and I wasn't sure why. It's just a friendly, so it counts for nothing. That is, if you only consider tournaments and trophies to be something. This one was about pride and that got me even more fired up. In what is becoming a (shockingly) regular occurrence, the MNT beat a Mexico team 2-0 full of their top players in a Phoenix stadium with far more fans cheering against the gringos. This one was really fun to watch, particularly the second half after the first goal when Mexico got super aggressive, but the defense was able to hold on. Now's the time to build that fence and really break their spirit.

Soccer is not that different from American sports. See: basically every league in the world. The degree to which money rules the sport is really killing my interest in the end of the season. Manchester United is running away with the EPL and the only actually competitive top league in the world is in Spain where Barcelona could blow their lead, but probably won't. Thank goodness Champions League play starts back up next week.

Should it really be so hard to get opening day tickets? In Cincinnati, opening day is a huge deal. They have a parade, celebrate the clubs history, and occasionally even win. Sadly I've only been once (2005) and it's one of my favorite sports memories. We got drunk, we ate Skyline, and the Redlegs hit walk off homers off the incomparable Braden Looper to win the ball game. The problem is, it's so hard to get tickets that you have to a) buy season tickets, b) camp out all night or c) get really lucky if you don't want to pay a scalper. Tickets are going to go on sale pretty soon, and we're gonna do what we can this year, but jeez, couldn't it be easier? I just want to go to a baseball game.

Martyballs, castrated. There's gonna be a lot written about Schottenheimer getting fired, but at the end of the day it's really fucking hard to win 14 games in the NFL. I'll put good money down that they don't win that many next year. I hope this doesn't dampen Marty and LT's love affair.

Here Come Those Redlegs!

It's a two-pronged attack today with some hard-hitting Reds coverage. You know you've been itching for it. (Super Bowl schmuper bowl, it's almost time for pitchers and catchers!) Let's start off with a little something I'd like to take complete credit for. As many of you had noticed from the sidebar, I'd been praying to the ghosts of Pete Rose's reputation for Aaron Harang to get signed to a long term contract. And, by the grace of the baseball gods today it came true. Harang gets $36.5 million over four years with an option for the fifth. By all real-world standards this is a ridiculous sum of money, but when you recall your Gil Meches of the world this is a great deal for the Reds and I couldn't be happier. The rotation has some promise for the future now, for the first time in a long time (don't give me Eric Milton).

Now, onto my second point. Thanks to a Rob Neyer (who Trout seems to hate now, but I still hold no particular animosity for) article, I started thinking about VORP (Value Over Replacement Player). To the best of my knowledge (and I'm mostly clueless) VORP represents the percentage better than an average replacement a player is. By all indications "better" and "value" are determined by someone in a studio apartment with MLB extra innings. Anyway, if you check out those stats, you'll notice that there was one Reds batter in the top 100 last season. That was Rich Aurilia and, oh yeah, he's long gone. Dunner was 104 (I guess his K's are what hurts him) and Dave Ross was 109 despite splitting time with LaRue who would have been cut loose two years ago. Brandon Phillips came in right behind him at 110. This is what really scares me about this team in '07. Their only chance to be truly competitive is one of two ways: 1) Harang and Arroyo (12th and 6th pitching VORP, respectively) don't fall off and some pitching fills in behind them, or 2) the batters way outperform the projected. Anyway, just thought it was interesting. Look for your favorite players and see where they rank.

This Is It: Super Bowl Picks and Predictions

Well here we are. Less than 6 hours until gametime. Less than 6 hours until the tiny little players trot out of the giant inflatable helmets and try to look cool for the cameras. And despite running the risk of jinxing my team, I decided I'd better PONY up (ha!) and offer my pick and predictions for the big game.

First off, if the over-under on the number of Manning faces Peyton will give us tonight is 2, I'll take the over. That doesn't mean I think the Colts will lose, it just means I think Peyton might shit himself with fear and throw a pick or two.

Second, the rain's not going to affect anything. Both teams can run, both teams can throw underneath passes. It might change the gameplan, but it won't change the outcome.

Third, Rex Grossman WILL crumble under the pressure. But you know he won't give you a Manning face. Sexy Rexy's a gunslinger all the way, baby, and he can't let interceptions and fumbles keep him down. He's a baller.

Prince will be better than the Stones and Paul McCartney. Naturally. Although nothing can top Michael Jackson appearing on top of the scoreboard back in the day. THAT was fucking awesome.

Devin Hester will make the Colts special teams look ridiculous. And he may completely change the face of the game. Dungy may tell Vinatieri and Smith to just kick everything out of bounds. Even on kick-offs.

Joseph Addai (and, to a lesser extent, Dominic Rhodes) will have a huge game, prompting Edgerrin James to go double-check his bank account to calm his rage.

I could go on with these inanities, but I think it's past time to wrap up:

MVP: Reggie Wayne
Final: Colts 34, Bears 30

No Wonder Indigent Foreign Countries Don't Know Their American History

I remember a friend who spent a couple years in the Peace Corps in Guinea telling me that one of the textbooks they used said that the United States--the best country on the face of this goddamn planet. Ever. Unless the band Coldplay becomes a country--had fifty-two states. They probably all think that the Bengals won Super Bowl XXIII behind MVP Ickey Woods (sorry I had to go there, Gage--too irresistible).

According to a New York Times article, all those misprinted T-shirts, caps, and other gear (Seattle Seahawks, Super Bowl XL champions!) will get shipped by World Vision to a host of "developing" countries including Niger, Uganda, and Sierra Leone. Maybe it's just me, but doesn't it seem a little patronizing to give such novelty clothing, deemed unfit for consumption in the U.S., to the foreign needy? Do they get T-shirts proclaiming the correct Super Bowl champion? Probably not. Those are reserved for American consumers to drop $30 apiece on and contribute to the NFL's already ridiculously rich coffers.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm all for charitable donations of clothing to these countries. And the NFL most certainly does charitable work besides the donation of a couple hundred T-shirts per year. Donating them, after all, is a hell of a lot better than simply destroying them as Major League Baseball does. (Yet another wise move, Bud! The world loves your cold, cold heart!) It just seems a little odd to me--as it always does, I guess--to read a story like that which essentially reduces the act of charity donation to a quirky act in the American context instead of exhibiting an awareness of how truly fucked up the global disparity of wealth is.

Anyway... that's probably enough in the way of social critique leading up to the Super Bowl... I hope a bunch of Ugandans find themselves wearing Bears shirts pretty soon...

MLB Tries To Be Cool; Winds Up Disturbing

Maybe I'm late to the party on this, and pardon me because I'm no UniWatch, but look at this new bullshit MLB series of hats that are being sold this year. I own several New Era caps. They are my favorite hats, especially next to my Bengals cap that has never quite fit right (thanks, Reebok). I've grown tolerant of the pink and orange hats for every team. I can even look past a camouflage hat, begrudgingly, at this point. But, this is off-the-charts fucking lunacy. If I see someone wearing this at a Reds game this year I may have to hurl myself off the upper deck. I'm at a loss. What is it supposed to be? Someone threw a wet team logo against the wall and it's dripping down? Hard to imagine that scenario. A crooked logo is bleeding? Some morbid fantasy elements there, guys. Is it really necessary to tarnish every traditional element of the game? Does Bud Selig know these hats exist? I'll tell you what, if I see a picture of Commissioner Skeletor wearing one of these, I'll go out and buy the whole set. Ugh. The fucktard that dreamed this up should maybe watch a baseball game occasionally.