Gophers are Substantially Less Ferocious than Wildcats

Ohhhhhh Tubby. Tubby, Tubby, Tubby.....

I feel obligated to write a post here because I've been a UK fan my entire life. But, I have decidedly conflicted feelings about the end of the Tubby Smith era. It's certainly been a tumultuous last few years. From complaints about recruiting to a super highly rated incoming class in 2004 back to complaints and stories of player infighting and toxic personalities it's been tough to follow this team, particularly the past two years when the results have been less than stellar.

Lexington has had a buzz about it for a while. I really believe that the mood of the common man the media are distinctly different. This, of course, is based solely on my personal opinion. But I didn't talk to a single person at work today when the news came down the pike whose first reaction was "wow, that's a shame." The biggest reaction was relief.

The homers in the media always loved Tubby, and their arguments certainly hold water, particularly in terms of stats, to back it up. But, nine years with no Final Four appearances is what incited such animosity with irrational fans. It should be noted, however, that nobody disliked Tubby the man. He's a great guy; gracious and polite and never once had a disparaging thing to say about the state or the fans. Never once was he responsible for a black mark on the institution.

So why am I glad to see him go? Well, looking back, the Smith era at UK strikes me as similar to an organ transplant that just didn't take. It started off so well, but eventually was doomed to fail. Kentucky needs a big time coach with a big time personality. Tubby never had a strong enough personality or that proverbial "chip on his shoulder". And, you know what? It's hard to find guys like that. I certainly wish Tubby well and I'm sure he'll be successful with Minnesota.

Now, the real fun starts. It's like Christmas Eve around here. We get a new coach under the tree. Imagine you've asked for a G.I. Joe action figure. Who knows if you're going to get Snake Eyes or Duke? Either is completely awesome. Let's just hope your parents don't try to get you the knock-off series and try to tell you it's "just as good" or "use your imagination". It should be really fun to see what happens in the next few weeks. In the meantime, if there's one thing Wildcats fans are good at, it's rampant speculation. So far I've heard names including: Billy Donovan (Florida), Billy Gillispie (Texas A&M), Mark Few (Gonzaga), Tom Crean(Marquette) and even Pitino. Probably all great choices. Cats fans, you got what you wanted. Stay tuned.

Come on Snake Eyes.

Fun With Open Mics, Verne Lundquist and Bill Raftery Style

Good on March Madness on Demand for re-running the live pre-game open mic audio for the Purdue-Florida game. Lundquist and Raftery talk to each other and to guys in the truck and obviously aren't aware they can be heard as they prep for the game. It's largely uninteresting, but there are a few highlights:

Verne Lundquist saying right before the National Anthem "We have what you might call a sparse crowd here today. It's really awful." Lundquist follows this later with "Aww, man, this crowd is sad. You just can't talk about it too much." Maybe the NCAA went back to New Orleans a little too soon...

Raftery rather seductively tells Lundquist "Your voice sounds great," to which Lundquist, apparently battling a cold, starts doing vocal prepping "mimimimi"s. Lundquist: a true operatic voice.

Raftery gets into the Purdue band's rendition of "Soul Man," singing "badum da da da da"

Lundquist is apparently a bit unhappy with the PA announcer down in New Orleans, calling him "about 0-for-the-season" after mispronouncing Keaton Grant's hometown of Kissimmee, Florida as "Ki-seem-ee." The mispronunciation prompted a rather lengthy exchange between Lundquist and Raftery of "Is it Ki-seem-ee?" "It's Kiss-i-me" "Ki-seem-ee?" "No, Kiss-i-me" "Kiss-i-me." Lundquist sounded genuinely peeved at the PA guy.

Sadly, I still couldn't figure out who Raftery was referring to when he effusively said "He's got a nice, live body, doesn't he?" and prompted Lundquist to respond, "Ohhh boy, does he." (my guess is Corey Brewer, though, as he was just introduced prior to the exchange). Mmmm, nice live bodies...

Purdue vs. Florida Deathmatch Live Blog: Second Half

As CBS takes me to a live look in, it appears as though Wisconsin is trying to prove everyone who thought the Big Ten was overrated right. Shouldn't they have learned something from Friday's game? Maybe they just really aren't that good...

As the second half opens, Purdue is dodging some bullets as Florida just can't seem to knock down open shots. We're gonna need that to continue if we want to hang onto this lead, I think.

Teague puts it high, high, high off the glass to put Purdue up by 4, prompting Raftery's signature "The Kiss!" (he follows it up by commentating on a replay: "And a smooch to boot!"). It just wouldn't be the tournament without Billy Raftery, I don't think...

Ohhhh... Carl Landry just had a mammoth block on Noah. Too bad it came after Joakim was fouled. Either way, the message is the same: get that shit outta here, Joakim!

Man, Florida has really clamped down on D. Purdue's just not getting many good looks at all. Carl Landry just looked like he was throwing up a prayer in his driveway there. Not good. And before you know it, Florida leads for the first time since a couple minutes into the game. Sigh... Florida is starting to look a lot more like Florida and Purdue is starting to look like... well... Purdue.

If Purdue loses this game by less than 5, they'll have no one but themselves to blame. They're now 4-10 from the line. Where's Matt Waddell when you need him?

Ouch. 5 point deficit after 2 poorly defended 3s from Florida. This one's slipping away and Matt Painter knows it; he calls a timeout.

That's at least the second shot of Joakim Noah's pops in the crowd, and I gotta say, Yannick Noah is a badass. He looks like he came straight from a Funkadelic concert. Joakim, on the other hand, looks like he came straight from an Indigo Girls concert.

Oh man, David Teague had a great series there. Had a 3 rattle out, chased down the offensive board, and then drove the lane with authority for a two. No one else touched the ball the whole time. Everyone else, including Florida, just watched.

Billy Raftery has got a ferret in his pants about a foul called on Noah as he hacked Landry. Yeah, it was probably just good D, but Purdue needed that bad. Oh wait, on the replay, Landry obviously got hacked. Raftery, supposedly looking at the same video I am, says disgustedly, "Aww, that was all ball. All ball." I call bullshit, Billy, you Noah-lover.

Carl Landry is all that is man. And the game is tied.

That's the 15th Florida turnover. And it's not so much Purdue's D as Florida's shitty passing. How many turnovers do they average on the year? This has to be an anomaly.

Now Chris Kramer is all that is man. Wow. Way to drive the lane. He's like the white Porter Roberts. Or something.

As soon as Gage and I comment on Purdue's recent lack of turnovers and fouling, they turn it over and foul. Great. And now Florida's back up by 5 in the blink of an eye. Fix it, Matt Painter, fix it.

Joakim Noah almost broke his ass after taking a hard foul--Kramer just scooted his butt into Noah as he was coming down from a board. Kinda funny.

Chris Lutz is taking lessons from Chris Kramer, driving the lane against Joakim Noah and sinking a layup.

Carl Landry just confused a Florida defender for the basket, turning it over instead of taking a shot. Now Florida can go up 6 with under 3 minutes to go. Purdue's really gotta lock down on D and get some decent shots on their offensive end or Florida's going to run away with this one at the end.

Well--one minute Purdue is down by 3, the next they're down by 7 with Florida on the line. That's pretty much the ballgame--it'll be the free throw game from her on out.

It ended up being the outcome that everyone expected, but I gotta say Purdue looked A LOT better than I thought they might. A great game for the young kids to build on for next year, and certainly not a shabby way for Landry and Teague to finish their careers. Maybe I'll be inspired to try and catch more than a handful of Purdue games next year.

Here's hoping Butler has a little more magic than Purdue and the Bulldogs are able to knock of the big dog later this week.

Purdue vs. Florida Deathmatch Live Blog: First Half

Wow. I don't know who they were talking about, but just as I tuned in to the MMOD videocast of the game, the announcer (it must have been Raftery) was saying, "Ooh, he has a live body," to which his partner (Lundquist) responded "Ohh does he" during the lineup introductions. Let the homoeroticism begin. Somewhat appropriate considering my live body just hopped out of the shower from a 6 mile run in 20 degree windchill. Thank goodness for stray audio picked up when Verne Lundquist and Billy Raftery think they're off the air.

And just like that, Purdue is down 4-0. Good thing Joakim Noah is afraid of the hole, or else it'd be 6-0.

Kramer is my daddy. He's on pace for roughly 70 points this afternoon. He has yet to score any from his knees, though.

Wow. Tarrance Crump just drove the lane and put up a good 6-foot pull-up jumper and it didn't get swatted away. This can't keep up, can it?

Apparently he can--Crump just did the same thing from four feet for another score. I haven't seen much Purdue basketball at all this season, but I find it hard to believe Tarrance Crump has been this good.

"Pick up the lingerie, Big Al!" Ummm... what? Is this a new way to say that Crump faked that Florida chump out of his shorts? If you say so, Mr. Raftery.

In any case, forget Kramer; Crump is taking over this game. Gotta feel good about a 5 point lead with no scoring from Teague or Landry.

And now Teague shows up, scoring 5 straight. He'd probably have 10 by now if he'd just let his afro out.

Quickly followed by Landry getting into the action. Keep at 'em, ye of the 50-year-old's hairline. That was a nice move, he just choked on converting the three-point play.

With a little over 8 minutes left in the first, we get the first reference to Purdue's "scrappy play" from Raftery. I look for approximately 10 more of these references throughout the game.

Noah just picked up his second. Sit his ass on the bench, Billy Donovan. The ponytailed wonder has been almost completely absent so far. Let's keep it that way. And let's start making some free throws. Christ.

My sympathies to Justin stuck in the Undergrad Library, blacked out from watching the game. You just missed some solid play under the basket by Gordon "Sock Arm" Watt.

Kramer just pulled a trout--making a nice cut into the lane, pulling up, shooting an airball. Awesome.

Everything--and I mean everything--is coming up short for Purdue. I don't know if Florida has worn them out or what, but they are putting up some weak-ass shit--airballs and little dinks off the front iron. And they're playing sloppy too, turning it over more. Gah. Florida ties it for the first time in a long, long time.

Landry comes up short on his free throw. Seriously. Everything is short. Put some leg into it, guys.

Not the way you want to end the first half, with an awful, awful well-defended three pointer from way out (surprise, it was short). I'll take a two-point lead at half any day, though. Matt Painter, here's hoping you come up with a gameplan to match up with Florida's adjustments--and maybe some energy drinks for the troops' tired legs. Because right now Florida is definitely the better-looking team out there. And I don't mean Joakim Noah's ugly mug. Whew. See you in 20.

Not That Anyone Cares...

... but I think I'll take it upon myself to liveblog the epic Purdue-Florida matchup tomorrow. So to all three of you that check out FTG regularly, join me at 2:15 tomorrow for tip-off. I'll be updating the page throughout the game, keeping tabs on Carl Landry's hairline, Joakim Noah's ponytail, and David Teague's potential afro. And wondering to myself all the while what kind of crack rock Andy Katz smoked before he wrote "If Landry and Teague didn't get hurt [...] they'd have left for NBA riches." NBA riches? Really? Hyperbole notwithstanding, it should be a good one.

Your Monday Morning NCAA Riddle

Back to the MLB previews later today, but first some basketball. I only managed to catch a small bit of the Purdue game this weekend, after it was already out of reach, but I was unlucky enough to see the Kentucky game in its entirety. Now that's what I call a piss-poor performance. Anyway, it got me thinking because Purdue went out and did all they could with a solid 23 point drubbing of Big Ten bottom-feeders Northwestern while Kentucky continued their downward spiral towards total mediocrity against Florida. What it got me thinking about is which team really deserves to go to the NCAA tournament more (assuming the selection was made today).

It's generally assumed that UK is in and Purdue is tiptoeing around on the bubble, but the first thing you notice about these teams is identical 20-10 (9-7) records. Yet, still, Kentucky is a "lock" according to everybody who doesn't matter. Okay, so surely Kentucky has some of these "marquee" wins to their credit, right? Well, no. For a week or so now the announcers have loved pointing out that this could be the first season in something like 30 years that Kentucky hasn't beaten a ranked team. Both teams beat Indiana (both at home, UK in December and Purdue in February) and at least that win was in-conference for the Boilers. UK lost twice to Florida, Tennessee and Vandy (!!!) while Purdue had to play OSU twice, at Wisconsin (where they hung tough) and pounded MSU at home. Plus, the SEC is down this year (after Florida) and the Big Ten has an argument for two number one seeds.

Look, I hope both teams get in, but the only thing I can tell here is that the Wildcats are getting preferential treatment based on name only. This sort of thing happens every year, but Purdue is certainly no Drexel or Winthrop. Of course, all of that being said, if MSU 21-10 (8-8) gets in over Purdue with a worse conference record I might be out on a ledge somewhere.

(Thanks to the J&C for this awesome picture of David Teague's senior day afro. And God said "let there be an awesome 'fro." And it was good.)

Wednesday Wrap-Up

It was the best of times... it was the worst of times. Or it was just a Wednesday with some interesting sports happenings. First, Liverpool at Barcelona. This Champions League clash was a pretty big deal to me and the rest of the world who care about soccer. Frankly, I don't think a lot of people were giving the Reds much chance in the knockout stage of the competition after this tough draw. Plus there was this ridiculous story about Craig Bellamy going all Office Space copier on John Arne Riise with a golf club during a recent training session. Of course, the whole thing turned out to be not true and both started yesterday in what turned out to be a HUGE 2-1 victory for Liverpool. All in all, it was a game played with moments of brilliance and moments of stupidity by both teams, there were some bad calls both ways. And, it just so happened that the two goal scorers were Bellamy (who celebrated with a big golf swing) and Riise.

For anyone not familiar with Champions League format, in the knockout stage each team in the matchup plays a home game and the team with the most total goals moves on. The really interesting thing is that the first tiebreaker is goals scored on the road. So, if Barcelona comes to Liverpool in a couple of weeks and wins 1-0, it would still not be enough due to the 2 to 1 advantage in away goals. After what has been a moderately successful season (at best) with the Reds never really competitive for the Premiership title, this is a bigtime victory and I'm officially excited again.

Elsewhere, in yet another game that wasn't on TV in my area, Purdue got their asses handed to them at Iowa. You just can't afford to lose by 19 at this point in the season if you want to make the tournament. With three games remaining, I'm thinking they have to win them all or really impress everybody in the Big Ten tournament. At least those aren't technically road games, because this team continues to roll over like a dog getting its belly scratched away from Mackey. Ugh. Not much more to say about this game, but I don't think today that Purdue is a tournament-worthy team. Maybe in a week I'll feel differently. I hope.

Purdue Wins. Fuck yeah, or some shit.

Yeah, I used two curse words in the title for this post. Mom would be proud. Anyway, big night for the Boilers as David Teague poured in 32 points in an 81-68 victory. Stick that down your striped pants, Sampson. Everybody agreed this would be a big win going in and I still feel that way, particularly after winning in such a decisive manner.

Sounds like Mackey was rocking last night which is always encouraging. Mackey is never going to be Cameron Indoor or anything like that but people forget the sheer size of the student body and alumni we have. Having a home court advantage is nice because your fans at least get to see some wins. I've been watching Kentucky play all season and they seem to get intimidated playing at home. Probably too many of the boosters threatening to stop the handouts watching from the stands. Assuming this team can win 20 games and get into the tourney, the question becomes: how will they play on a neutral court? If the Maui Invitational (2-1 with wins over Oklahoma and DePaul) is any indication, I'm considering possibly almost becoming sort-of optimistic about their chances. Check back in a few weeks. Go Boilers!

At Least Somebody Will Be Wearing Red

Tonight, it's a night for lovers. And truly there is no love like that between the Purdue and Indiana basketball teams. It's not quite Keady vs. Knight, but this game still matters, but mostly just inside the state. There are, however, some important implications for both. First, for me personally, I have decided that Kelvin Sampson is a douche and should be given a beatdown every time possible. Way to go with those recruiting violations, K-man. Nice to see the four top 100 recruits from Indiana going to play for Matt Painter next year, isn't it? Second, and probably more importantly, the Boilers really need a few more wins if they want to have a shot at an NCAA appearance. With five games left on the schedule they need to win four to get to the magic 20 win mark before the Big Ten tourney. Every game after this one is winnable, but this team plays road games like they're all on vicodin so I'm not going to count on anything.

The truth of the matter is I really want to hate IU. They should be Purdue's biggest rival, but I can't say a bad thing about anybody I know who went there or Bloomington which is generally a really cool town. I can't even hate them for wearing red due to my baseball and EPL allegiances. I do hate the bookstore for selling warm-up pants for $145. Yeah, that's a thought. Screw them! Maybe tonight we can tell the whole Purdue team that the IU players slept with all their girlfriends. Drama! And on Valentines Day no less. This may be a day of love, but come on, let's build up some real animosity in this rivalry. It deserves it. Screw you opposing large in-state rival!

(Update: well, I started this post before I found out the game had been moved to tomorrow. Oh well, fuck it. I'm posting anyway)

Purdue/Wisconsin Gamecast Not-So-Liveblog

I'm still in Asia where "watching" Purdue @ Wisconsin means refreshing the gamecast regularly. Oh and the game starts at 9am local time. Here's a little taste of my experience.

9:10am - I log on and lo and behold we're in the lead. Carl Landry with a deuce. He's the man. My internet seems to be working, so all systems are go.

9:14am - After a painfully long refresh I see that the boilers take a 5-2 lead with a Keaton Grant 3-pointer. I'm not sure I remember who he is. My brain immediately makes the following connection: Alex P. Keaton, Michael J. Fox, Teen Wolf. Can anybody tell me if Keaton is abnormally hairy? Oh I also just noticed that Gordon Watt committed a foul on a 3-point shot. Way to go homie.

9:19am - There are three different scores on different parts of my gamecast. 5-2, 5-4 and 7-4. I'm fairly sure these are slipping in from parallel dimensions. Shockingly, Purdue is winning in all three.

9:21am - Eight minutes into the game and we've got a grand total of 15 points scored. Why do 90% of college basketball games seem to start of at a snail's pace? I know they've warmed up, I know they had a shoot-around. Wouldn't it be a huge advantage if some coach could figure out a way for his team to come out sharp in the first ten minutes of a game? Just asking.

9:25am - Whoops, a quick five points and Purdue's lead evaporates. I'm just glad they didn't blow it in the first 10 minutes, really. 'Sconsin made a three and a layup. Apparently the three point defense by the Boilermakers is awful. I disagree. The gamecast does not say it, so it must not be true.

9:30am - First of all, Wisconsin has a player named Landry. Fuckers. That's our guy's name. Quit trying to confuse us. Second, they have a player named Flowers. I can't think of anything funny to say here that's not entirely mean spirited. So just make up your own "flowers" joke.

9:33am - David Teague has 0 points and 2 personal fouls. Nice first half, guy. In his last three games he's scored 20, 11, and 21 respectively. Wake up my man.

9:37am - Boilers trail by five and Carl Landry just picked up his second foul. I'm thinking our chance to win this game might have just left town. Landry has 10 and only two other players have scored (Watt only has one made free throw).

9:42am - I'm not sure what's going on here but it seems like every time Purdue scores, it's sandwiched on the play-by-play by two Wisconsin scores. Something tells me this is a flawed strategy, coach Painter.

9:46am - The question here with under 3 minutes left in the half: do you put Carl Landry in the game? I say yes. You have to take risks to hang with the #3 team in the nation on the road. The actual answer: I have no clue because the ESPN gamecast has no interest in telling me who is currently in the game. Go get em, somebody!

9:50am - David Teague just scored his first two points. Welcome to Madison, Dave. Tip off to final buzzer, right?

9:54am - Purdue is trying to end the half with a flurry! Two Teague free-throws followed by a Watt three and somehow they only trail by one point to a really good Wisconsin team at halftime. Oh wait, 12 seconds left. Let's not do something stupid now.

9:58am - Gamecast has been stuck at 0:05 for three minutes now. I'm just assuming that Purdue got a steal and a fast break basket to take the lead at half and it's taking a while to type up. Yeah....

10:00am - Halftime. Not sure what to make of this. Gamecast says the score is both 31-30 and 29-30. Fantastic. Seriously, just pick a goddamned score. How about the one on the scoreboard in the arena?

Either way, this was (by all evidence available to me) a really well played half by the Boilers. I like the reasonably low score. Wisconsin has put up 80 to 90 points a half dozen times already this year, so it seems that you don't want to try to run with them. Now this seems like the stereotypical gotcha second half where the better team comes out, wears down their opponent and really plays to their potential, but I'm not sure about the wearing down. Wisconsin only plays seven men. Purdue played nine in the first half. Maybe we can have the fresher legs at the end of the game. Stay tuned...

10:15am - And we're back! Purdue come out smoking with a quick couple buckets by Watt and another by Landry. For the record, I still don't know what the score is. It's either tied, or Purdue by two.

10:19am - I just noticed that Teague picked up his third foul somewhere along the way. Sigh... On the other hand, Gordon Watt has 12 points. I'm convinced that he can be a really solid player. Maybe this will be the game where he decides to agree with me.

10:23am - I have no stats to back this up, but Purdue really seems to be hitting the boards. Nice to see them stay aggressive. Plus, in case your keeping track, our Landry: 12 pts, 2 pf, their Landry: 4 pts, 3 pf. We're definitely sitting pretty in the battle of Landry supremacy.

10:27am - During this timeout I'd just like to remind you that Darmetrius Kilgore is the official Subway Sub of the Game.

10:28am - Ugh. Carl Landry just picked up his third foul with 12:44 left in the game. Not good. Oh, look Teague has four now. When did that happen? That sneaky little bitch.

10:31am - The Badgers take a four (or is it six?) point lead. Stupid badgers. Wait a second, weren't they really good at football this year too? Between Florida, OSU and these guys I'm really fucking tired of well-run athletic programs. Let's all just hire an AD who is more interested in the cocktail parties than the victories and move on.

10:35am - Hey now, I just noticed on the scoreboard that Notre Dame lost to 'Nova 102-87. Let me just say: HAHAHAHAHA. How do you give up 102 points in 40 minutes of basketball? Talk about an overrated team. Somewhere, Digger Phelps is crying. Hopefully on national television.

10: 41am - Well, C-Land (get it? Sea/Land. Pure genius.) is doing everything he can to keep this one close, but I fear it may not be enough. Lutz just snagged his fourth foul. According to the gamecast, the refs are really cheating us.

10:46am - Uh oh. It's starting to get out of reach. A nine point game with six minutes left isn't impossible, but a nine point game with two minutes left is real trouble. It's going to be time for a run here anytime.

10:52am - Watt has 18 now to lead the way. It's probably going to be in a losing effort, so I'm not sure what to think about it. The big missing piece in this game has to be Teague so far. Just a total non-factor.

11:04am - Wow, we're not giving up. Five point game with 35 seconds to go. I'm still watching...

11:10am - Okay, now it's over, 69-64. What did we learn? Purdue can hang with a good team, even on the road, but still couldn't snag a road victory. Watt can put up some points. Teague is yet again a total enigma. Oh, and maybe Wisconsin is overrated.

Vaya con Dios, Trout

Well, maybe I won't go with God, but I am taking a week off from Boston and my godforsaken paper-writing to do a grand holiday Midwestern tour. This means, unfortunately for all three of our readers out there, that the formidable Feeding the Goat Gage-Trout tandem will be down to the only slightly less formidable Gage solo show for the next week. A Gage alone means many things, not the least of which is that you better expect a marked upturn in the number of penis jokes per post.

It also means that I felt a compulsion to write a post that could do the heavy lifting of the 3 posts I usually manage to shit out in a week. So, lucky you, here you have it: Trout's rundown of games to watch this next week while you're tuning out your family, drinking Jagerbombs with those people you see once or twice a year, or just bored the fuck out of your mind. And just because I care, I picked a game for every damn day.

Friday, December 22- 8 PM, Men's College Hoops, Indiana at IUPUI. This one's probably got the boys over at The Rock frothing at the mouth. What more could you want than an intra-SCHOOL rivalry? Well, maybe something. I can think of a lot of things, actually. But IUPUI, being the Jag-yars that they are, should be getting some handjobs in their backseats. Or something.

Saturday, December 23- 4 PM, Men's College Hoops, #3 Ohio State and #4 Florida. Ya gotta hate the U-Fuckjob Gators. I know Spurrier didn't ever coach men's basketball but his disgusting presence still lingers over the entirety of that school. Also, The Ohio State has that Greg Oden guy. I've still never seen Oden play, so that could be fun... I always see his stats on ESPN's bottom line, and invariably he goes 7-8 from the field with 12 boards. Incredible.

Sunday, December 24- With apologies to Cincinnati/Denver and New Orleans/NY Giants, the Christmas Eve game to watch is San Diego at Seattle, 4 PM. Seattle perplexes me. What the hell is their deal? I don't know how many points they're getting this week against the Diego, but I'm picking them straight up. It just feels right, especially for my fantasy team that needs Shaun "Jesus Loves Me" Alexander and Matt "My Sister-in-law is Foxy Yet Disgustingly Conservative" Hasselbeck to score about 3 TDs apiece. That's not too much to ask for Christmas, is it?

Monday, December 25- You probably thought I was going to pick Philly/Dallas, but, really, who wants to watch Tony Romo and Jeff Garcia in a mediocre NFC battle with playoff implications? Not I. LA Lakers at Miami Heat, 2:30. I watch maybe a half of an NBA game per year, and this may be it. You know, aside from that whole rape thing, Kobe seems like a nice guy.

Tuesday, December 26- English Premiership, Bolton vs. Newcastle. Do I know when the game is? No. Can you watch it even if you wanted to? Probably not. Do I know anything about either of these teams? No. What I do know is that I like to drink Newcastle and Michael Bolton is a no-talent ass clown.

Wednesday, December 27- Emerald Bowl: Florida State vs. UCLA. Why this game? Because emeralds are pretty. And I hope Florida State gets their asses handed to them. Oh, how the once-mighty have fallen.

Thursday, December 28- 7:05 PM, Men's College Hoops, Purdue at Indiana State. David Teague regains the promise that has long since dimmed and drops 25 on the Larry Legends. That, and as Gage has so astutely alluded to, Carl Landry's already freakish hairline seems to have receded another inch. Good god.

Friday, December 29- Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl: Clemson vs. Kentucky. What the fuck are Gaylord Hotels? Are we talking Holiday Inn level or more like Motel 6? Count me confused. I'm excited for Gage that Kentucky is in a bowl, though. Even if he doesn't care. Go Cats!

The Object of my Affection (aka. Can there be Only One?)

Wow, we sure talk a lot about baseball and football. I swear, I actually care quite a bit about college basketball (you might want to go elsewhere for your NBA posts). As I believe I've mentioned before my two teams are Purdue (alma mater) and Kentucky (hard to avoid in this state). Just to perpetuate my self-indulgence today you're getting a comparison between my two teams. Plus, they both play in-state rivals at the same time on Saturday. How to choose? Let's break it down.

The Coaches
Orlllllaaannnnndoooo "Tubby" Smith vs. Matt Painter provides a pretty stark contrast. Tubby is now in his ninth year and inspires a really striking array of sentiments throughout the state while second-year head coach Painter is probably too new to inspire much emotion either way (with the exception of a certain nameless co-blogger who once told me that he needed to "get a new face"). There are a people out there who absolutely hate Tubby and some who adore the man. Realistically, he ought to fall somewhere in the middle. Tubby's recruiting has been suspect (let's just say another hapless 7-footer might drive some people over the edge) while Painter was apparently out kissing a lot of babies in the past couple years because they might just have the best recruiting class coming in next year since the Big Dog. Edge: PUSH - Too different to compare.

Guards
The Wildcats were supposed to have Ramel "Smoove" Bradley running the point with Joe "What's a First Step?" Crawford playing two-guard. Unfortunately, however, Smoove proved yet again that he really loved AAU ball and forgets how to "pass" in crunch time. Whoops. What this means is that freshman Derek Jasper has been playing the point as the Cats turn to the three guard "we can't recruit big men" lineup. The Purdue backcourt features Chris Lutz who seems like a genuinely good kid who plays hard next to point guard Terrance Crump who doesn't exactly inspire a feel-good story. He's the same kid who got drunk and drove over a fellow student last fall. Much bigger whoops. They have the pleasure of playing next to David Teague, a streaky shoot-first guard if there ever was one. Much like our dear old friend Willie Dean, I have a feeling nothing makes Teague happier than hearing Jim's Son scream "Shoot it!" as he fires up another airball from beyond the arc. I feel like the team rebounding numbers wouuld skyrocket if somebody positioned themself for the airball every time he shot. Edge: Kentucky - the whole Crump situation was really fucked up.

Forwards
Now we come to the strength of both teams. Purdue has Carl Landry, who has my dad's hairline but is firmly cementing himself as one of the best players in the country who nobody knows about. 20 points, 8 rebounds per game people. Pay attention. Next to him is Gordon Watt who transferred from Boston College and seems to be a reasonably talented player, but all I really know about him is that he has two brothers, Marcus and Michael, and two sisters, Angela and Ashley. Sounds like a lovely family. Down in Lexington, the saga of NBA free agent Randolph Morris continues. Truth be told, he's finally living up to his potential but you'd never know it since he has the same array of facial expressions as Eeyore. He really ought to be averaging more than his 17 points a game, but he's got to deal with Bradley firing up fade away threes. Of course, he could get offered five million dollars and be off to the NBA any day, but surely that couldn't happen, right? Anyway, next to him is the deadly combo of Bobby Perry (senior leader, always convinces us he's better than he is) and Sheray Thomas (played 18 minutes one game this season without taking a single shot). Edge: Purdue - the Wildcats get negative points for Sheray Thomas.

Center
Who uses a center anymore? This is the new skool!

Season So Far
Kentucky: 6-3, Marquee Win: IU last Saturday. Ugh, this is not making the Wildcat faithful proud. Of course, they could be 9-0 and people would complain that they hadn't won by thirty points. They do have the talent to be a good (not great) team, but we'll see if they get there.
Purdue: 8-1, Marquee Win: Virginia in the Big Ten/ACC challenge. How nice is it not to be the whipping boy in the challenge for once? Just as a reminder for those of you who've managed to block it out of your memory, the Boilermakers only won nine games last year. Nine! And they have eight already this year before Xmas. Of course, they haven't had to play a road game yet this season (Maui not withstanding), so we've still got a lot to prove. Edge: Purdue - Eight wins! Fucking A.

Overall Edge: Purdue
Sorry 'Cats, but I promise I'll still be here after another second round loss to UAB.