Surprise! I Have a Gripe With ESPN

Now, we all know the day after the MLB All-Star game is the slowest sports day of the entire year. It's always on a Wednesday, there's no games until Thursday and no other major sporting events are ever taking place. Except this year. The Under 20 World Cup is taking place in Canada right now and the USA team has played two consecutive Tony the Tiger Grrrreat games, the second being a huge upset over tournament favorites Brazil. It's really been fun to watch.

So, how does the WWL factor into the whole deal? Well, they have the rights to the whole tournament and have been showing it on ESPNU, a channel I just recently discovered is included in my over-extended cable package. But, on Friday, the overlords decided to bump the Brazil game to the flagship station. Apparently, Brazil is a big name they can put on the marquee. Nice move. Now, the USA is in the knockout (single elimination) stages of the tournament and plays Uruguay (7:30 pm, ESPNU) on the leanest sports night of the year. And what is ESPN showing? A replay of the Home Run Derby and the AAA All-Star game. Come on fellas, at least let people without 800 channels watch some live sports on a Wednesday night. And maybe get a little publicity for some US soccer (and your MLS Thursday night games). Gah.

That's SO Random! With Gage

I need a good title for random thoughts posts. "That's SO Random!" made me laugh to myself today, so that's what you get. Any suggestions? Anyway...

- I have virtually nothing to write about with the Reds anymore. It becomes a little redundant talking about the team with the worst record in baseball sucking. I feel sorry for the beat writers. The whole Griffey returns to Seattle angle must have felt like Christmas. Hell, I'll probably be writing a "Can the Reds Finish Out of Last Place" post in August. Well, at least they don't have the fourth highest payroll in all of baseball and still suck.

- At the risk of making every post this summer about soccer, I've really become obsessed with the game. One of my very favorite daily bookmarks is the BBC's daily Gossip & Transfers column. Basically they've managed to take the rumor page of your favorite American paper and turn it into a Soccer version of Us Weekly. This what happens when you stop having to verify sources.

- Elsewhere in soccer, USA starts play in Copa America tomorrow vs. Argentina who should absolutely destroy us if all goes according to plan. I don't get the channel broadcasting the game, so I will be watching the Spanish language version at a friend's house with his Honduran fiance's non-English-speaking family. I can't wait.

- Very little Bengals news lately. Is that odd for June? I can never remember. I guess, at this point, no news is good news with this team. I sense an interesting dynamic though among fans. Nobody wants to get overly optimistic going into this season (at least not yet). After an 11-5 record in 2005-06 everybody had their blinders on, looking to the postseason. And, frankly 8-8 was a huge letdown. I guess nobody is holding their breath this year. At least until the first "Caleb Miller is Absolutely Crushing People" report comes out of training camp.

- One final note: Griffey to the Cubs, never going to happen. However, it did stir up some interesting reactions out of me. For all the struggles he's had in Cincy he's still the face of the franchise and the biggest fan favorite. I'd hate to see him go, but I have to admit my immediate second reaction was "wow, I wonder what they could get for him?" And, to close with your terrible joke of the day: maybe they could get Carlos Zambrano and a temper tantrum to be named later.

Where's my rim shot?

U-S-A! U-S-A!

Wow, that game was awesome. Down 1-0 to the Mexicans at half time, I talked to my friend Dan (who happened to be at the game) and made the statement that despite the score, this was a really good game. And, lo and behold the second half kicked it up to a whole new level with the Red, White and Blue scoring two dramatic goals and holding off their biggest rivals in a game both desperately wanted to win. This was one of the highest caliber games I've ever watched the MNT play. It was a joy to watch. I want a copy of it on DVD so that I can use it as an example for all those Americans who refuse to embrace the game.

The best moment of the day was of course Benny Feilhaber's volley goal from just outside the box. I doubt he could make more than two or three out of ten attempts at the same shot in practice, but regardless it was a world class strike. My other favorite moments included the almost flawless refereeing (a decided change from every other Gold Cup match) and GoochOnyewu tearing off his jersey and receiving his championship medal while wearing an American flag as a cape (see picture). The only low moments for me were the vicious head-to-head collision between Spector and Guardado from the Mexican side which left them both rattled and took Spector out of the game. I haven't seen yet, but hopefully neither player sustained any serious injuries. Oh yeah, and I have no idea why Frankie Hejduyk was bare-chested, he sat out the whole game after two yellows.

All-in-all, a great day for US soccer of the present and the future. Now bring on Copa America!

Quick Hits On The Gold Cup (Because you know you want it.)

• USA 2-1 Canada, that's what really matters.
• On the other hand, Canada deserved that second goal in second half stoppage time
  
• On the other, other hand, USA had plenty of other chances to score that they just biffed on
  
• DeRosario and DeGuzman were held in check for most of the game, particularly DeGuzman. That was nice work by the defense.
  
• Landon Donovan gets a yellow card for diving? What the fuck? Christiano Ronaldo goes the whole World Cup without a card and now they're giving one to Donovan? Right. Further proof that the entire Latin American world of soccer hates him.
• Keller got kind of beat up, but I wasn't really excited to see him cry about it. (Speaking of Keller, he looks really old whenever I see him wearing his glasses)
  
• That tackle by Michael Bradley that got him the straight red card was vicious, and not in the good way. More like in the "you're going to injure somebody and hurt the team at the same time, fucktard" sort of way. What a stupid play. Now he has to miss the final after what was really an excellent tournament for the 19 year old.
• On a similar note, Bocanegra probably could have gotten a straight red for his second half tackle that sent (if memory serves) DeGuzman doing a full flip through the air. There was no ball on that one either.
• Kind of like Cardillo over at That's On Point, I was decidedly pessimistic about this game before it started, albeit for different reasons. I just don't feel like the US team is peaking at the right time. I felt better after they came out and got some early chances, but wouldn't it be nice, just once, if they converted?
• This was the same script as the Panama game: generate lots of chances early in the game with no goals to show for it, score a couple in the late first/early second half, get lazy and surrender a late goal and pray to god that you don't give up another.
• Hey Clint, we get it. You're a big shot, you have good footwork and ball control, you play in the Premiership. Now just put the fucking ball in the back of the fucking net, goddamnit, and quit dancing around trying to be Ronaldinhio.
  
• I feel sorry for Eddie Johnson. I don't know what it is but he can't seem to get the job done on the international level. No way does he start in the final.
• Frankie Hejduk converted me. I kept wishing they would start Spector or Simek all tournament, but Frankie was everywhere in every game he started and even scored the opening goal last night. Consider me impressed, old man.
• Now, it's too bad that Hejduk has to sit out of the final after his second yellow of the tournament. I'm giving the nod to Spector but definitely pulling him after no more than 75 minutes for Simek, if I'm the coach (fyi, I'm not). Spector looked exhausted at the end of the last game he started.
• Speaking of tired players, why didn't Bob Bradley take out his son sooner when he had been running the entire game and was obviously pooped? Regrettable.
• If you're keeping track, Sunday's final should be really fucking fun. The Mexican fans at Soldier Field are going to be out of their minds. Let's just hope a few Americans show up.
  
• And finally, keep your eyes on the center backs for the USA. I'm about 75% sure that we're going to see some head to head collission involving Gooch Onyewu and one of his own players a la the Three Stooges due to his always being out of position. Remember I called it first.
  

Thoughts on USA Soccer and the Gold Cup

I never really understood why the World Cup is so much bigger than the Olympics or any other international competition when it was the only soccer I ever watched. It's hard to put into context where the national teams fit in with the domestic leagues and club teams (and the big money, in particular). The truth is, the FIFA system is completely different than any other sport. When it's time for the USA basketball team to play in the Olympics, we slap together our All-Stars have them train for a few weeks and send them off to the tournament. In soccer it's so much more organized that there are games and camps year-round and the team has a full-time coach. This allows national teams to develop together and gain that level of camaraderie an Olympic basketball team could never get.

The recently appointed US Mens National Team coach, Bob Bradley, took a team of international and MLS players to the CONCACAF Gold Cup starting last Thursday. If you don't know what CONCACAF stands for, just remember that it means North America. Basically what that means is that the USA and Mexico come in as the overwhelming favorites. CONCACAF is not known as a strong region, and that's an understatement. It sucks.

The USA was placed into the region with Guatemala, El Salvador and Trinidad & Tobago (am I the only one who always forgets this country isn't in Africa) and opened with Guatemala Thursday. It was a frustrating game because of the style of play of the Guatemalans. Particularly Carlos Ruiz who, from the two games I've seen him play, has shown a penchant for diving and under-cutting defensemen in the air. By the end of the game I wanted to jump through the screen and slap him around myself. Apparently Gooch Onyewu felt the same way because he got a pair of yellow cards after dealing with the little shit. The US team, who should have scored several goals, held on after going a man down and won the game 1-0.

Does it sound pretentious to complain about a 1-0 win? If so, fuck it. The team looked out of sync and almost always a step slow on defense. Onyewu played just about as bad he could have and the same old story perpetuated itself: a total lack of finishing. Thank god for Dempsey.

Saturday's game brought an almost entirely new lineup and a fresh start against what was basically the T&T JV team (there was a dust up over players getting paid for the WC, so almost all of them sat out the Gold Cup). And, it was the same old story. Justin Mapp was the best player on the pitch until Donovan came in after halftime. Mapp hit a cross that basically bounced off Brian Ching to go in. Donovan then did just about the same for Eddie Johnson (who was pleasantly un-terrible for most of this game) on a break away. The back four was a little more solid in this game and I enjoyed watching the outside backs push up and make runs into the box, but this was not a good team and they gave the US fits for most of the game.

Again, the good news was a 2-0 win against a team they should have beat. USA officially advances to the quarterfinals and can play for seeding. The real bad news of the two games so far has been the officiating. In the Guatemala game, their midfielders got tired and were absolutely crushing our players. It was a disgusting display and truly shocking that CONCACAF couldn't do any better. It's a wonder no Americans got hurt. A new crew on Saturday night brought a whole new set of bullshit. One particular referee's assistant on the sideline made no less than FOUR indefensible offsides calls against US players and one awful out-of-bounds call. The announcers mentioned that he is from Cuba. Figures, commies.

So, what have we learned from two games into our regional tournament? First, CONCACAF sucks, as predicted. Anytime Canada can lose to Guadeloupe, and Mexico drops a turd against Honduras, you know we're not talking about world powers here. We've also learned that the USA team hasn't really fixed what was ailing them.

All that said, if you're one of the denizens who complains that watching the US Soccer team blows because they never win, this is the tournament for you. They've won it before and have to be the favorite after this weekend. Up next is El Salvador on Tuesday night (FSN) and then the quarterfinals to follow and hopefully a finals match up vs Mexico. I know I'll be watching.

Hey! What's Happening In Soccer? Or: Yet Another Self-Indulgent Post

What's happening? I'll tell you what, it's getting exciting. With apologies to MLS (I swear I'm giving it a chance), the game over in Europe has been really heating up. Look, there's even yelling. For those of you who actually recall reading old posts, I've been diligently following the English Premiership all season and we're really hitting the home stretch now. Keeping up with Liverpool has been fairly easy this season because they have been towards the top of the table (standings) in the EPL for most of the season. However, with the play of Manchester United and Chelsea (combined payroll $4 kajillion) the Reds have been mostly outsiders looking in, even from third place. The good news/bad news of the season is that we're coming down to the wire and there's going to be some important games for those top two teams but on the flip side there's no playoffs like in American sports and Liverpool is basically out of the running. In the place of these playoffs is the Champions League (tournament for the best teams from every league in Europe).

As a useless side note, I'm a little confused by all of this because in the good ole USA, there one champion and that's that. So, I find myself wondering what is more important to an English team, winning the league or the Champions League title? It seems like a toss-up. I know one thing, Liverpool are firmly focused on winning the CL because they have not other options.

In case you don't follow the game, we're in the semifinals now, with the top three English sides and AC Milan (ummm.. Italian, right?). The format includes each team getting a home game and the aggregate score determining the winner, with away goals as the tiebreaker. This last part is a rule that I've decided I hate. The notion that certain goals are worth more than others bothers me and leads to some questionable (if not downright boring) strategies.

This week was the first leg of the semis with the second legs on Tuesday and Wednesday (2:30 pm, set your DVR). Currently, Chelsea leads Liverpool 1-0 and ManU leads AC Milan 3-2, with both of the home teams winning. What's it all mean? Well, both Liverpool and Milan both need to score at home, but the Liverpool is in a bit rougher shape. For example, if Milan wins 2-1 at home they advance (aggregate 4-4, away goals 2-1) but if Liverpool wins by the same score, then they would lose on away goals. So, interestingly Chelsea wants a high scoring game (that they don't lose by more than one) and ManU wants a low scoring game (ditto). I guess what I'm saying is be prepared for a snoozefest in Milan and the possibility of fireworks at Anfield. But, if that doesn't happen, remind yourself that I don't know what the hell I'm talking about.

Some other notes:
Please god of soccer (Pele?) don't let ManU and Chelsea play in the final. I'm tired of that so-called "rivalry" of the extremely wealthy. It's only interesting to their respective fans.

Kaka is awesome. Go look up his goals on YouTube. I think Brazil got too caught up on all the Ronaldinho hype during the World Cup and forgot that this guy is one of the top strikers in the entire world. Poor Brazil.

In other Brazilians with four letter names, if the AC Milan keeper Dida lets a couple of goals slide past him in the second leg, he might just be lynched. Eye on the ball homie.

Chelsea's coach Jose Mourinho is a self-proclaimed genius tactician, but what kind of strategy was he using in the second half Wednesday? Basically let Liverpool posses the ball, play stingy defense, then have Peter Cech crack a deep ball for Drogba 3/4 down the field. Yeah, who could have ever dreamt up that plan? Yawn.

It's fun that Arsenal is at home watching, isn't it? How's fourth place fellas?

And finally, Liverpool has got to find a way to score some goals. I honestly don't care what the lineup looks like, but Steven Gerrard was crap this week and so was Xabi Alonso.

Wednesday Wrap-Up

It was the best of times... it was the worst of times. Or it was just a Wednesday with some interesting sports happenings. First, Liverpool at Barcelona. This Champions League clash was a pretty big deal to me and the rest of the world who care about soccer. Frankly, I don't think a lot of people were giving the Reds much chance in the knockout stage of the competition after this tough draw. Plus there was this ridiculous story about Craig Bellamy going all Office Space copier on John Arne Riise with a golf club during a recent training session. Of course, the whole thing turned out to be not true and both started yesterday in what turned out to be a HUGE 2-1 victory for Liverpool. All in all, it was a game played with moments of brilliance and moments of stupidity by both teams, there were some bad calls both ways. And, it just so happened that the two goal scorers were Bellamy (who celebrated with a big golf swing) and Riise.

For anyone not familiar with Champions League format, in the knockout stage each team in the matchup plays a home game and the team with the most total goals moves on. The really interesting thing is that the first tiebreaker is goals scored on the road. So, if Barcelona comes to Liverpool in a couple of weeks and wins 1-0, it would still not be enough due to the 2 to 1 advantage in away goals. After what has been a moderately successful season (at best) with the Reds never really competitive for the Premiership title, this is a bigtime victory and I'm officially excited again.

Elsewhere, in yet another game that wasn't on TV in my area, Purdue got their asses handed to them at Iowa. You just can't afford to lose by 19 at this point in the season if you want to make the tournament. With three games remaining, I'm thinking they have to win them all or really impress everybody in the Big Ten tournament. At least those aren't technically road games, because this team continues to roll over like a dog getting its belly scratched away from Mackey. Ugh. Not much more to say about this game, but I don't think today that Purdue is a tournament-worthy team. Maybe in a week I'll feel differently. I hope.

Yikes! Streak-buster post.

Trout and I both know a thing or two about dry spells, and it's been a week, so it's probably time for another post here. Any day now. But, with any real baseball news still a few weeks away and my complete lack of interest in the NBA (does anybody sit down and watch full games?) it's been hard to find anything worth writing about. So, here's what's on my mind...

Soccer is fun to watch. While the majority of the English-speaking population was watching Duke/UNC last Wednesday, my amigos and I were watching the USA/Mexico friendly. I knew I was excited for this game when they first announced it and I wasn't sure why. It's just a friendly, so it counts for nothing. That is, if you only consider tournaments and trophies to be something. This one was about pride and that got me even more fired up. In what is becoming a (shockingly) regular occurrence, the MNT beat a Mexico team 2-0 full of their top players in a Phoenix stadium with far more fans cheering against the gringos. This one was really fun to watch, particularly the second half after the first goal when Mexico got super aggressive, but the defense was able to hold on. Now's the time to build that fence and really break their spirit.

Soccer is not that different from American sports. See: basically every league in the world. The degree to which money rules the sport is really killing my interest in the end of the season. Manchester United is running away with the EPL and the only actually competitive top league in the world is in Spain where Barcelona could blow their lead, but probably won't. Thank goodness Champions League play starts back up next week.

Should it really be so hard to get opening day tickets? In Cincinnati, opening day is a huge deal. They have a parade, celebrate the clubs history, and occasionally even win. Sadly I've only been once (2005) and it's one of my favorite sports memories. We got drunk, we ate Skyline, and the Redlegs hit walk off homers off the incomparable Braden Looper to win the ball game. The problem is, it's so hard to get tickets that you have to a) buy season tickets, b) camp out all night or c) get really lucky if you don't want to pay a scalper. Tickets are going to go on sale pretty soon, and we're gonna do what we can this year, but jeez, couldn't it be easier? I just want to go to a baseball game.

Martyballs, castrated. There's gonna be a lot written about Schottenheimer getting fired, but at the end of the day it's really fucking hard to win 14 games in the NFL. I'll put good money down that they don't win that many next year. I hope this doesn't dampen Marty and LT's love affair.

Becks, Bonds, and Dodger Dogs

Well, there's obviously been an absolute dearth of posting on FTG the past couple weeks (I'm sure you've all noticed, right?). Gage has been out of the country and brokenhearted about the Ben-gals. I'd be brokenhearted too if my team had cheerleaders that were so... um... manly (see the picture to the left). Yours truly has been finishing up term papers, but I thought I'd take a break and do a quick post to hit upon a few things that've caught my eye the past couple days.

First off, Barry Bonds is a piece of shit. Yeah, no news there, but seriously... what the fuck? At least Mark McGwire seems like he could genuinely be a nice guy who got caught up in the whole steroids mess against his better judgment (I'm not going to get into the Hall of Fame debate--I'm just going to say that if he gets in, Pete Rose deserves in too. And I'm kind of beginning to think they both deserve to be there, no matter how much I detest both of them). Barry Bonds is simply a fuckjob. I curse ESPN for fawning over this sham of a home run chase.

First, Bonds essentially accused his teammate Mark Sweeney of doing amphetamines (Bonds tested positive for the drug and claimed he unknowingly took a supplement from Sweeney's locker--as an aside, what the hell is with all this purported swapping of locker stuff? Is Bonds wearing Jason Schmidt's jock too? These guys make millions a year. Get your own goddamned "vitamins.") Next, Bonds kindly retracts his accusations against Sweeney but unkindly neither denies he accused Sweeney in the first place nor apologizes for doing so. Dickwad. Enjoy your new clubhouse, Barry Zito. Don't forget to blame your weed problem on Omar Vizquel.

Second, I find it hard to care about soccer or the fact that David Beckham is assraping (see picture at left) MLS to the tune of $250 million. Brand me a stereotypical American, I don't care. I like playing soccer and I like playing golf, but I don't particularly enjoy watching either one. OK, so I realize getting a player of Beckham's magnitude is nothing but good for MLS, a soccer league in its infancy struggling to attract talent. But $1 million per week? Seriously? I don't care where the money's coming from, I find it hard to see how any athlete is worth that much (see: Rodriguez, Alex. And his $250 million contract was over 10 years, not 5. And for a player just entering his prime, not leaving it). I find it highly intriguing that the $250 million is coming from "endorsements" and "bonuses based on performance and the future success of the MLS." Is the money contingent on Adidas giving Becks a huge contract? McDonald's? Does Becks have to play 70 minutes a game? Does MLS have to sell 30% more tickets this year? Despite my soccer apathy, this is all very interesting to me.

Last but not least, God bless them, the LA Dodgers have made 3,000 seats "all you can eat" for next season. Of course, you're stuck eating all the low-cost ballpark food (nachos, hot dogs, and the like)--ice cream, BEER, and candy are excluded--but my money's on paparazzi photos of Becks and Posh, armloads of Dodger Dogs in hand, before the summer is out.

Bitch Slap Him, Just Not During Tea

It's an exciting time of year in English Premiership soccer. We're halfway through the season so the games really are starting to mean something. The transfer window is open for the month of January and our hip hop Mens National Teamer Clint Demsey and the scariest American soccer player ever, Oguchi Onyewu could be heading to England's top flight. Oh and we're on the cusp of Champions League knockout round games. But, what is hogging the headlines? The verbal slap fight between Chelsea's manager Jose Mourinho and Manchester United's Sir Alex Ferguson. Basically Mourinho says (paraphrasing) "Ha! Silly ManU. We have played like complete monkey feces and you are still only six points ahead of us in the standings. Hail Portugal!" While SAF replies with "You pitiful fool! Despite what you may percieve as weakness we remain atop your precious standings and shall prove victorious at season's outset. Long live Scotland!" Okay, maybe I took some liberties, but seriously come on you guys. And I thought bitching and acting like little girls were American pastimes. Those pretentious European assholes aren't better than us after all! U-S-A!!

Strap On Those Shin Guards, It's Kicking Time

I'll try not to get too long-winded here because I know most of you really don't care, but it's Champions League time again and there actually are a few games really worth watching this go-round. If you'll recall the Champions League is basically the European championship and they squeeze it in between league matches finally ending in the spring. We're in the final game of the group stage (much like the World Cup except everybody plays twice, home and away) and there's some big name teams with actual potential to go down in flames.

At 2:45 today (ESPN2), Barcelona (Spain) plays Werder Bremen (Germany). This is a super tough group also featuring Chelsea who managed to get four points out of two matches with defending champions Barca. Werder Bremen is tied for the lead in the German Bundesliga right now so they are no joke. Barcelona is two points behind both clubs and their only chance to get through to the knockout stage is to get a win today. You've gotta expect some fireworks from Ronaldinho today in a desperate effort. I'm looking for an up-tempo agressive game, and how can that not be fun to watch?

Tomorrow at 2:30 pm (ESPN2) Manchester United (England) plays Benficia (Portugal) who is another tough team, but luckily for them it just happens to be home at Old Trafford. With Celtic (Scottish Premiere League) coming out of the gates hot and getting a huge win over ManU, they are likely to make the knockout round having only to play bottom feeders FC Copenhagen tomorrow. However, Benficia is going to look to come out agressive against the Red Devils with their only salvation being a win and three points. Look for another fun one with a little bit of drama when Christiano Ronaldo goes up against his countrymen in this clash. If he takes a phantom penalty in the box, could he possibly be hated by both English and Portugese fans? Let's hope so.

Elsewhere, French team Lille needs a win over AC Milan (Italy) to have any shot, while Arsenal (EPL) and FC Porto (Portugal) could play for a draw and both advance. But, I'm guessing both teams would like to win the group for seeding purposes, so let's hope for a couple of agressive sides in that one as well. Also, note that Liverpool already has thirteen points and nothing to worry about in their tie with Galatasaray. Eat that ManU and Arsenal.

What Gage Is Thinking About Today

Here comes another fast paced, quit hitting post, because you know you want it. Here's what's on my mind.

- The Heat lose by 42 to the Bulls. Ok this is why the NBA is a total wasteland. No team in the league is forty points better than another team. The recurring problem is that the players just barely seem to care. Usually teams take turns completely not giving a shit. Team A plays hard for a quarter and builds a big lead. Then they get bored and start thinking about paying those alimony checks to their babies' mamas and how it sucks being famous because you can't get away with being a deadbeat dad, etc. Team B suddenly goes on a streak and so on. Most games wind up close at the end. Last night we just ran into a situation where team H started thinking about the post-game meal before tipoff. Dreadful.

- Liverpool (and soccer in general). The Reds had been playing at the middle of the pack all season and I was starting to think it was just to spite me, but this past weekend they got their shit together. I managed to get up and watch them stick it to Aston Villa 3-1 on Saturday with three beautiful goals, particularly one by Dirk Kuyt. Then, yesterday they played Bordeaux at home in the Champions League group round and basically controlled the entire game winning 3-nil. Steven Gerrard got his first goal of the season, the Reds move on to the knockout round and all is well at Anfield today. In other Champions League news, Chelsea played at Barcelona last night and somehow managed to score a tying goal (friggin Drogba) in the 90th minute. Crazy. But the really wild thing about this game was that Chelsea got five yellow cards. Five in one game?? Miami players, take note.

- Scrabble. That's right, not a sport, I know. But, I read Word Freak after a Simmons reccomendation last year and it's really an engaging, interesting read. Well the author of that book, Stefan Fatsis, wrote this article about a player scoring 830 points in one game, an all time record. I've heard speculation that there was some cheating going on, but I don't feel that way, at least not from this article. Somebody was probably just wearing their lucky rainbow suspenders. The interesting thing here is that this record only came about because neither player in the game was very good. Two better players would have never scored as high. What's a good sports equivalent to this? A free-swinging minor league baseball player hitting 80 home runs?

- MotoGP and Americans actually being good at something. Due to the suggestions of a co-worker I sat down and watch a motorcycle race this weekend. It was the final race of the Motorcycle Grand Prix (MotoGP) circuit which, as I understand, is quite popular in Europe. Without being too long winded about it, going in the five-time defending champ Valentino Rossi (Italian) had a slim lead over the American Nicky Hayden. Anyway, Rossi crashed out of the race in a stunningly unpredictable mistake and Hayden won the points title. This is particularly exciting to me because Hayden is from Kentucky and really had to work his way up to this level. It's nice to see Americans thriving overseas after our basketball/baseball/soccer debacles. This is a big deal to lots of motorcycle racing fans, way to go Nicky.

Hump Day Soccer

With the never-ending NCLS dominating headlines and the NFL in mid-season form, it would be easy to forget about the world of soccer. However, for those of you unemployed or with jobs where you get to watch tv all day (damn, I miss that job) today is a good day to settle in and watch a couple of high profile Champions League group matches.

2:30pm ESPN2 - Chelsea vs. Barcelona. The biggest spending team with the most talent (Chelsea) matched up against last year's Champions league winner (Barcelona). Plus, the best player in the world (Ronaldinho) who basicially dissapeared for Brazil in the World Cup plays for Barca. And he's bound to do something crazy awesome. In addition Peter Cech, who just might be the best keeper in the world went down with some brain injury (his dad says he's lucky to be alive), and they lost their backup in the same game so we're down to the third stringer in net. Could be a disaster.

5:00pm ESPN Classic - Liverpool vs. Bordeaux. The Reds go to France to take on a buch of croissant loving fashionistas. This probably matters more to me because I've been following them, but I'd really like to see them play well. They haven't put together a really good match lately, and suddenly Gerrard is out with a hammy (thanks English national team). Not good, and now they're at the middle of the pack in the Premiership standings. At least there's still Champions League for the '05 champs.

A Long Way From Home Field: Two Months Following Soccer

I had World Cup fever. No idea what brought it on, but it hit me like a ton of bricks. I started watching USA friendlies in the spring and never looked back. Every match (read: game) was on TV, even the standard media outlets were covering the event. The whole thing was easy to get wrapped up in. It all culminated with my being fortunate enough to be in a hotel bar in Europe with a gaggle of 12 year old Italian kids for the final match. They laughed, cried, cheered and sang through the whole game. I was hooked, I was enthralled, I wanted to know more and suddenly it was all over. I was a man without a football club (read: soccer team). So I decided to follow English Premiere League (and the soccer world in general). I get Fox Soccer channel, why not? More specificially I was following Liverpool for the purposes of having a team. They are the Reds so it seemed only natural.

Here's an all-too-wordy rundown of what I've learned:
- It's really fucking hard to learn twenty new teams. As if just learning the players on Liverpool isn't hard enough, I can't even name every team in the Premiership. I'm constantly asking myself "Ok that jersey looks familiar, who is that?" followed by "Why the fuck can't they put their team name on the jersey instead of these goddamned ads?" Plus, the whole jersey situation is an enormous fiasco. In virtually every US sport the home team wears the solid color and the away team wears white. Easy. Not in the EPL. Liverpool wears solid red home jerseys but then wears solid yellow (why??) away jerseys. This leads to some confusion on my part. Take for example Liverpool vs. Chelsea. At Anfield (Liverpool's home field) the game would be a red team vs. a black team. However, switch the home team and you've got a yellow team vs. a blue team. Boggles the mind, no?

- Watching an entire sporting event with only a commercial break at halftime is incredible. You know how when you first get HBO you sit down to watch a show, get totally sucked in and the time just flys by? Episodes of Entourage seem to last only five minutes some weeks. As someone who regularly attends NFL games, I can tell you it can seem like you've seen three plays in the past twenty minutes. My only question is: when do these people take piss breaks?

- I'm having an unreasonably hard time understanding the post-season. Given 10 minutes I believe I could fully explain the playoffs for any major US sport to a reasonable person. Apparently Liverpool is playing in the Champions League. Teams from all over the world qualify and compete. The winner of the Champions League is generally considered the best team in the world. Last year Barcelona won it all. The final is sometime in the spring. But the really odd thing is that the Champions League matches are taking place DURING THE SEASON. This means a team will play a league game in their home country and then might go play in Iran or somewhere equally desolate and then come back to league play. Then there is a UEFA Cup for teams not good enough to qualify for the Champions League. I would guess this is a big deal as well. It seems that a NCAA/NIT comparison would not be accurate in terms of importance but I can't think or a better one. Also, I believe that teams busting out of the Champions League early can still go play in the UEFA Cup. Astounding. Then there's some other league championship in the English system but I'm so spent at this point that I don't have the energy to investigate.

(I realize Trout will chide me for this, but did you ever see Baseketball where the playoffs are this ridiculously drawn out system and Al Michaels and Bob Costas look completely overwhemed? That's how I feel.)

- Liverpool's manager, Rafa Benitez, has used something like 94 straight different starting lineups. Jerry Narron has found his soulmate.

- Arsenal's manager is named Arsene. Did he change that after getting the job? Is it just fate? Kismet? Not sure why, but I really needed to get this off my chest.

- There are about eight billion teams throughout the world, and a lot of them play in various tournaments, etc. What an awesome thing, to have a truly world game be played in a global manner. However, it seems that there are less than ten teams who truly have a chance at winning the Champions League, a few from England, a couple from Spain, a couple French teams and some others sprinkled in. That kind of sucks, but there's no real way to creat parity throughout the entire world. (And don't forget to never, ever mention MLS)

- Other countries take their national teams VERY seriously. It was front page news this week that England is thinking about using a 3-5-2 lineup in their next match. 3-5-2!!! OMFG!!! Seriously, take a deep breath.

- USA still doesn't have a coach and still can't pull their heads out of their asses. It was probably time for Arena to go, but you might want to hire somebody else in the meantime. Plus, they just got invited to play in the South American championship next summer which seems like a good idea but will be hard to do with no coach or team. On a similar note, I'm not the one to come up with this idea, but why not have a North/South America tournament every four years? Brazil, Argentina, Mexico and USA would probably be the top four teams with some scrappy underdogs (assuming the USA doesn't fall off the map). That would be fun to watch and on maybe even on par with the Euro tournament.

Well, that seems like enough for now. If you made it this far, here's your lesson: there's a lot of fucking soccer out there, and it's hard to keep track, but for those of us who are the type to check the MLB standings daily, it can be real fun. And, it's still great to watch.