Don't Big Hurt Me, Frank

Well, Frank Thomas went yard twice for the A's today in their victory over the Twins and Johan Santana. Watching him hit the second one, I couldn't help but be torn between impulses of happiness and hatred for him. Well, maybe hatred's too strong a term, but we'll get to that later.

Frank was, essentially, the reason I became a White Sox fan. In that sense, he'll always be incredibly important to me as a baseball fan. He saved me from being an Old Style swilling, frat boy ignorant Cubs fan. Let me explain. Born in Indiana in 1981, I was too young to appreciate Andre Dawson's phenomenal 1987 season, but by the time I started seriously playing and following baseball in the late '80s and early '90s, Andre was still cranking out great seasons. It would have been easy to be a Sandberg or Grace fan (particularly since I played the right side of the infield), but I think I was attracted to the Hawk's rocket arm and power numbers. Plus, my mom liked the cigarette smoking Grace (not for his smoking... I still don't think she knows about that) and the pretty-boy Sandberg. It's not cool to like the players your mom likes. Not when you're eight years old. So I followed Andre with a mild obsession, collecting his baseball cards, spending my allowance and lawn mowing money on an autographed rookie card, sending letters to him (he actually mailed me back a signed card), stalking him at baseball card shows for yet another autograph (there's a picture lying around somewhere of me with the Hawk), going to a Cubs game on his birthday and holding up a Happy Birthday sign, and dressing up as Andre at Halloween (there's a picture somewhere of my one and only innocent, if misguided, foray into blackface, too). And then, abruptly, after the 1992 season, the Hawk was gone, moving on to Boston and Florida to finish his career which was drawing quickly to a close.

Coincidentally, Frank Thomas was about to post consecutive MVP seasons in 1993 and 1994.
He made the transition from being a Cubs fan to a White Sox fan seamless. As a 12 year old kid, I had no guilt about suddenly switching teams. In reality, I was an Andre Dawson fan first and a Cubs fan second. But now that I'm a White Sox fan, I'm a White Sox fan for life. And that's thanks to Frank Thomas. Though there were some ups and downs, Frank was a world beater through 2000. Man, those were the years. Frank swingin' the rebar in the on-deck circle, hitting bombs in the Home Run Derby.

Then the new millennium hit, and the roller coaster ride began. 2001 was the triceps injury, limiting him to only 20 games. After 2002, the infamous diminished skills clause was invoked, thus allowing the White Sox to re-sign him as a (much cheaper) free agent. Then 2003 was the Renaissance Year, when Frank hit 42 homers (while only batting .267). But then 2004 and 2005 brought the foot injuries. Frank was always back and forth with the management--whether it was the contract issues, the injuries, his admission that he changed his approach at the plate to hit more home runs (batting average be damned), or whatever, Frank got typecast as being a dick. Or if not a dick, then a moron. A clubhouse cancer. A distraction. I always kinda felt bad for Frank about that stuff; he often seemed like he was taken advantage of and not appreciated. And it hurt him. Frank came off like a fragile, emotional guy with an oversized ego, which, for better or worse, made it harder for me to root for him.

When, by chance, Gage and I happened to see Black Jack McDowell's band Stick Figure a few years back, I convinced Gage to ask Black Jack if Frank was a douche bag (or something to that effect). Jack's answer was, if I remember correctly, "No, he's just misguided." Which made me sad. Misguided. This guy could've been a Chicago hero, and through a series of misguided events (both on the part of Frank and the organization), the relationship finally soured enough to let Frank go.

I was happy that Frank was able to share in the White Sox World Series celebration, no matter how awkward it was that he didn't even have an at-bat in the playoffs after being the face of the franchise for so long, no matter how awkward it was as he spoke at the parade's celebration rally to everyone who pretty much knew he wouldn't be back this year. And then it got ugly. Frank signed with A's (a move which I did and still do stand behind, no matter how weird it is to see him in an A's uniform; you couldn't expect the Sox to re-sign him with all the bad blood, injury issues, and when better options were present, no matter how much he meant for the past decade of White Sox baseball). Then Kenny Williams and Frank traded insults. Misguided. Macho. Stupid.

Frank got redemption late this season when he helped stick a dagger in the White Sox' playoff hopes. And now he has the satisfaction of hitting homers in the playoffs his old team wasn't good enough to make. I hope Frank wins another World Series this year (that'd give ex-Sox Esteban Loaiza a ring, too), and that he contributes to it in a significant way. That'd make me happy. Frank needs it, after his colossal 0-fer choke in the '00 playoffs against Seattle, and the emasculation of a team--a team I'm sure he saw as HIS team, possessive--winning the Series without him. I wish him the best. I just hope he's not wearing an Oakland hat when he goes in the Hall of Fame. That just wouldn't be right. No matter how dysfunctional Frank's 15 years with the White Sox was (and remains), both he and the organization need to overcome all the drama and make amends. I just hope they're man enough to do it. Watching Frank hit important home runs for the A's is bad enough; having to see that HOF plaque with a giant A on the hat would be so much worse.

Trout's Picks of Contrariety (Week 3) (for Week 4)

Last week I posted my first ever winning week. Let the winning ways continue...
I'm feeling good about football this week because I actually get to watch the Colts hand it to the Jets. Holla!

Buffalo (-1) over Minnesota
I have a confession to make. I know very little about either of these teams. Actually, I have a bigger confession to make. I know very little about any NFL teams. But that won't stop me from proclaiming that Buffalo will win this game by more than one point. Minnesota wears purple. Despite the whole "Purple People Eaters" thing, purple is not an intimidating color. The Bills, on the other hand, are Red, White, and Blue, like true Americans. That, and they have the rich heritage of Orenthal James Simpson to draw upon. That, and they should've beat New England, and I like Willis McGahee because he played out of his mind for my Madden fantasy-drafted team before the stupid memory card corrupted the file. Thanks, Playstation 2.

Washington (+3) over Jacksonville
Normally, I would be with Gage on this one. But Mark Brunell obviously took personal offense to my comments last week. Moral to the story: Mark Brunell plays well when I speak poorly of him. Hence I engage in some reverse psychology: Mark Brunell will get sacked several times, look lost, and, in general, really old. You hear me, Mark Brunell? You're OLD. You will be eaten alive by this defense.

Detroit (+5.5) over St. Louis
This is the week where Detroit's Roy Williams goes off. I say this only because my fantasy team needs someone to do something this week in the wake of the Shaun Alexander debacle of '06. Detroit will still lose, if for no other reason than Matt Millen is still around. I predict they only lose by 3, though. Also, don't forget that Jon Kitna is apparently a "game manager," as Gage pointed out some weeks ago. As a side note, what the hell is the Rams problem? You've got Bulger, Holt, Bruce, and Steven Jackson. I know lots of these guys are getting old, but shouldn't they still be good for at least 20 points a game? I guess not, since they haven't scored 20 yet.

Seattle (+3) over Chicago
Seattle is GETTING 3 points in this game? Are you kidding me? Why do people obsess over the Bears? I don't really get it. Shaun Alexander or no, Seattle is the defending NFC champs. And Rex Grossman does not a contender make. I think people forget that Seattle (although they're not the Bears) has a good defense too. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I think this will be low scoring and could go either way. It's worth betting against Gage in this one just to bet against him. With apologies to Philly, maybe this one's a preview of the NFC championship game.

Kansas City (-7) over San Francisco
This is the game where Larry Johnson remembers that he is indeed, Larry Johnson, and should be playing more like it. Oh wait, I forgot Herm Edwards is the coach. Oops. Sorry, KC. In reality, I think San Fran wins this game (partially because, again, I need Frank Gore to score TDs and not fumble in fantasyland). Sometimes it's too bad I'm locked into disagreeing with Gage.

Gage's Picks of Confidence - Week 4 Edition

Minnesota (+1) over Buffalo
Alright, I shouldn't have been so quick to write off Minnesoata. That game last week really fucked all my bets. I picked the winner but they didn't cover. Oh yeah and don't forget about Carolina doing the same. Whoops. Losman will look lost in this game and the Vikings get back on the win column. Plus, they're getting a point? Cool.

Jacksonville (-3) over Washington
The Redskins, on the other hand, I don't believe in. Forgive me if I think Mark Brunell is a stiff and Santana Moss is overrated. The Jags defense is good. Going back to my Week 1 system, they get definite points for QB and defense. Bad prediction for the 'Skins: Portis has to make two seperate tackles after interceptions. Good predition: he manages to only twist an ankle.

St. Louis (-5.5) over Detroit
I'm really not sure about why I picked this one. Detroit is bad, St. Louis is not quite so bad and at home. That's enough for me. Plus, fuck Kevin Jones for screwing over my fantasy team so far.

Chicago (-3) over Seattle
Still on the Bandwagon. Shaun Alexander can pray all he wants, but I don't think they pull out this game on the road. Pray really hard and maybe you'll get some deep dish pizza. By the way, in a previous week I believe I said "fuck jinxes" to which I now say "fuck Jon Madden and his voodoo black magic." That dude has made a deal with the devil and I want no part of it.

San Fransisco (+7) over Kansas City
Trent Green is still out, that's all you really need to know. There's no reason to take a backup quarterback minus seven points, ever. Just seemed like too large of a point spread. Of course Larry Johnson could run for 250 yards and just remind me not to write him off. But, I still say seven is too many points.

Last Week: 2-3
Season: 9-6

Jon's Picks:

San Diego (-2.5) over Baltimore

Carolina (-7) over New Orleans

Philadelphia (-11) over Green Bay

Cleveland (-2.5) over Oakland

Seattle (+3.5) over Chicago


Last Week: 0-4-1
Season: 8-6-1

Life According to Madden. Boom!

Don't let their 2-1 record fool you. The Jets suck; Madden told me so (they're 0-3 coming into this week in Maddenland). To be honest, the whole idea was to do this last week, for the Jaguars game (I know ESPN does this simulation type thing every week--I'll get to that later). The only problem was that after trying to play the goddamned game 4 times, Madden conspired each time to make me lose in ridiculous fashion. All-Madden is absolutely merciless. You decide to go for it on 4th and inches on your own 45, and Madden takes it out on you the rest of the game. It's unreal. We're talking like 2 kickoff returns for TDs per half, copious amounts of INTs, muffed punt return catches, ridiculous fumbles returned for touchdowns, and the like. They were the kinds of games where you keep yelling at the TV, "You gotta fucking be kidding me!" Trust me, I was doing this. Just ask my woman. Anyway, on the 5th try or so, I finally played a close game and ended up winning, something like 45-42, with a last second Vinatieri field goal. Again, a lot of ridiculous plays, but hey, it was close.

I resolved to play the Jets game this week. Clean. No fucking around. Here are the ground rules: Standard 5 minutes quarters (I tried 15 minute quarters once for about a half; the score would have been in the 80s. It's just too ridiculous. Sorry, Dan). All-Madden level (because only pussies play Pro or All-Pro. I'm looking at you, Gage). Playing with all the regulars (i.e., Stokley, Bob Sanders, Cory Simon, and Curtis Martin were all in. I would have fixed this if I could, but I'm not going to fuck around trying to figure out such things).

Here's what I've learned from the week 3 Jaguars debacle: All-Madden doesn't like it if you run the same passing plays over and over again. Apparently the AI has this figured out. Who knew? So after resolving to be a little more creative in the play calling, it was time to give the Jets the biznass. Don't worry. I did.

Here's another thing I learned from this game: Joseph Addai will be a fucking beast this week. Also, I learned Dominic Rhodes is slow. Anyway, Addai didn't get to the century mark, but he must've broken off a couple 20 yard runs. Easily. It was beautiful. I-form, twin receivers, run to the weak side. It's foolproof. First drive, Addai runs it in from a few out. Peyton was 2-2 passing for like 30 yards. Just what you'd expect after ending a weak Jets drive of 6 plays.

After we traded field goals, I ended the half with a beautiful play action to Marvin for a TD, making it 17-3 at half. This is realistic, no? Anyway, the second half basically consisted of me playing out the inevitable. A couple of late garbage scores for both teams made the final 37-14 (ESPN's simulation has the Colts winning 35-17; this is how good I am at predicting things). Peyton threw for 348 and 3 TDs and Marvin caught 200+. No turnovers for either side the whole game. This could represent a problem with the accuracy of this whole enterprise; I'm fairly sure Pennington has a fumble or INT in store this weekend.

In any case, it was a Colts winner. Mark it down. Madden said so.

Musings on a Pale Hose-less Playoff Chase; or, Hope Springs Eternal: Lookin' at Next Year

So the playoffs are nearly upon us, and once again baseball has managed to give us all an incredibly interesting playoff race in the NL. So what if the AL winning the World Series again is a foregone conclusion? Does anyone doubt that divisional realignment and the creation of the Wild Card was ingenious? While Rob Neyer and Bob Costas were probably somewhere bemoaning the assault on the tradition of the game, the rest of us realized that perhaps, just maybe, more than 15% of teams should make the playoffs. You know, as long as it's not half the damn league like the NBA.

Is there a more compelling story line than watching the Cardinals collapse and Tony LaRussa chew a toothpick to splinters while the national media foams at the mouth at the prospects of getting Roger Clemens into "one last" (whatever the fuck that means anymore with Clemens) playoffs? Let me tell you, it does not look good for the Cardinals. Although they play a Brewers team that might as well show up drunk (oh wait, maybe that's the Bengals), they DO have to face Chris Capuano and Ben Sheets, two of the better NL pitchers. The Cardinals, meanwhile, are trotting out Jeff Weaver (yes, THAT Jeff Weaver, who has been cut by a lot of teams. A lot.) and Jeff Suppan against them. My prediction: the Cards lose those two games and then win the last one in which they face some scrub and have Carpenter pitching.

The Astros, meanwhile, face the Braves, which, really, could go either way. The most interesting thing about all of this is that the Cardinals may (and probably will, at this point) need to play a makeup game with the Giants, in St. Louis, to finish out their season. The Giants, of course, are out of things and would have to fly halfway across the country simply to play spoilers. Being a player, I can't really imagine giving a shit in a situation like that. Unfortunately, that may add up to a bullshit win for the Cards. Maybe Bonds will have to hit the juice once more for old time's sake. I'm sure Cards fans would be cool with that.

In any event, the Cards' potentially epic collapse made me wonder which is worse: losing it all at the end, or losing it, painstakingly, game by game, over the whole course of the second half, like the White Sox did? I'm leaning towards the latter. Prolonged shittiness trumps spectacular, immediate shittiness in terms of overall shittiness. Besides, there's something of a spectacle in watching a team go down in a blazing heap. Watching prolonged shittiness is akin to watching a Pants-Off Dance-Off marathon. You keep hoping it will get better, but in the end you just feel cheap and stupid for having put up with it.

In other news, the tentative schedules for next year came out a bit ago, and the White Sox' schedule is particularly interesting. Save for a 3 game set with the Angels, the Sox' entire September is against divisional teams. Perhaps more importantly, they play the Royals 7 times in the last 2 weeks. It's tough to predict baseball from year to year (see Detroit this year), but I think it remains safe to say that the Royals will suck. Detroit's schedule looks comparable, but, by contrast, the Twins finish at Detroit for 3 and Boston for 4. Too bad for them.

Whatever you do, never forget. Don't ever forget.

It's kinda like Gage confidently claiming (completely sober, and almost matter-of-factly) that Coldplay is the best band ever. You can't let these things die. So when Gage goes to the Ben-gals/Pats game this weekend, he must Must MUST unquestionably yell something to Tom Brady about his pet goat. How exactly this shall be referenced, I'll leave to the imagination of the commenters. The possibilities are practically boundless.

This whole enterprise is necessary not just because it fits so well with the spirit and title of this blog, although that certainly adds to the whole situation. It's because we must immortalize these moments. The moment when a professional athlete says, "Yes, it is a good idea to incorporate farm animals into my already weirdly sexual photoshoot." The moment when a friend says to himself, "Yes, I do believe I will abandon all rationality to become, in essence, a dumbed down Gwyneth Paltrow, slobbering all over Chris Martin."

Bask in them. Revel in them.

Avoiding Work With Gage - 9/29

- Big news of the day: Pedro Martinez is out until next season. Well goddamn. I generally loathe New York teams with gigantic payrolls but this is dissapointing on a few levels. First, I've always been an NL guy and it just blows nuts that now there's not one single team worth a damn out there. Can we get commissioner Skeletor to just call off the NL playoffs all together? Plus, love him or hate him, Pedro is both really good and really entertaining. There's only a select few players who actually give good quote instead of "it was a hard fought game and I'm just proud to be a part of it."

- I just realized while typing that last paragraph that I have no team to root for in the playoffs. Jeeze, maybe I'll get on the A's bandwagon. I like the fact that I don't know enough about them to hate them.

- I think I believe TO's story. Almost.

- For those of you not paying attention, which should be most of you, the Reds are still only 2.5 games out of the NL central. There is no way that they win the thing but this is so typical of a really bizarre season. Mathematical elimination probably won't happen until the last day or two of the year thus keeping me hanging by a thread for an entire summer. Of course, if there was some miracle and they did get in I would probably have a stroke. Not sure which way to root.

- I'm starting to feel pretty good about the Reds chances next year. Harang and Arroyo are solid and inning eaters. Milton seems to give them a QS two-thirds of the time and Bailey coming up in June and be a complete stud seems more likely than not. Obviously the bullpen is still a nightmare, but when they have to pitch 4-5 innings a game that will happen. Grrrr I shouldn't even be saying this. Jinx jinx jinx.

- Two big football games this weekend. First, Purdue @ Notre Dame. God I would love to win this one. There's nothing quite like seeing the looks of dissapointment on ND fans faces. A group that consists of east-coast rich kids, catholics and bandwagon jerkoffs who don't know any better. Look, nobody thinks the Boilers (4-0, by the way) can compete. And they almost certainly have inferior talent, but there are two things in their favor:
1) The "nobody saw it coming" game. Pundits talked all preseason about how tough the Irish's September schedule was while always managing to forget to mention Purdue. We all know these players watch SportsCenter (lord knows they don't study) and don't like being treated like patsies. This might be their biggest game of the season.
2) The "letdown game." The Irish know they shouldn't have won that game last week. MSU decided to give it away and Christmas came early to South Bend. It hardly seems possible that they are going to be able to get completely hyped for this game.
That said, before the 2004 game (one of my favorite games ever) the Boilermakers hadn't won in South Bend in something like 30 years. Not an easy place to play.

- Then there's the Patriots @ Bengals game. Frankly, this one makes me real nervous. The Patriots are still the kind of team whow knows how to get enough done during the season to make the playoffs. And with the Bengals coming off a bigtime road victory last week they could come in and steal one. I'm not sure if Palmer was trying to lull the Steelers into a false sense of security with the 10 sacks and multiple fumbles last week, but I don't know if that's the best strategy for winning games. Oh yeah and SI put them on the cover. Fuckwads. I still like the Bengals to win, but I'd guess the Pats have a good chance of covering.

- Finally, I will be present at the Bengals game again this week, and I would like to solicit comments to yell at the the New England players. I could be really vile towards Corey Dillon, but I'd like to avoid the jerk line if at all possible. It would be nice to be humorous so that the people around me don't get upset. So, I beg of yee all five regular readers, suggest any outbursts in the comments section. Together we might just have an impact on the game.

Mr. Red: Bringing Sexy Back

Way to go Mr. Red! Reports are stating that you've got a new look (same as the old look la la la). That's right Cincinnati, Mr. Red is bringing back the moustache. And I, for one, am wholeheartedly in favor of it. We all know the strength that lies in the hairlip. From moustache rides to NFL playoff runs. Just look at that diving catch. Apparently this is all part of the Reds' "Power of Tradition" plan. While that's the least catchy promotion name ever, I'm excited for what it means. Can we get some umpires wearing ties? Will there be a dress code for fans in attendance? Will players go back to working like endentured servants? Can we please get some sleeves on the uniforms? That aside, here's to you, Mr. Red(leg). Surely you'll be pulling in some sweet, sweet poon with your new 'stache. Strippers will love you, and you'll get less confused looks when cranking Def Leppard in your el Camino. I truly can't thank you enough for bringing the sexy back to Cincinnati.

Trout's Picks of Contrariety (Week 2) (for Week 3)

So my dearth of posting lately has really been due to two factors: I am disillusioned with sports right now. Just journey over to South Side Sox and read any number of posts about the White Sox (a team that is 1-7 in their last 8, a team that has only won 2 of their last 12 series), and you'll see why. After writing this team off when they got swept by Oakland, I was briefly under the illusion that they had a chance after yet another near perfect game by Freddy Garcia, but then I watched their beating at the hands of the Tigers on Wednesday night, and it just pissed me off all over again. It's a good thing White Sox games aren't on in Boston. This team is playing like they're tired and they want to go home to their wives and kids. Whatever. Factor #2 is that school started this week. Hooray, reading!

Despite all this, I still have enough time and desire to post my picks of contrariety. Lucky for you.

New Orleans (+4) over Atlanta
Gage speaks of two bullshit teams that New Orleans has beaten; apparently he forgot to look and see that Atlanta has beaten a Steve Smith-less Carolina team and a shitty Tampa Bay team (Caddylacky looks more like VW Golf. That's right, I made the car comparison. Fuck off). I'm picking New Orleans for yet other reasons: Drew Brees' face-eating mole, Reggie Bush's crazy running, and they're the feel-good story of the year (seriously, how smart was it to get rid of Aaron fucking Brooks? That, and the whole hurricane thing.) Atlanta is also the most apathetic sports town in the country (see the Hawks and the Braves... especially the Braves), and their team's defense only succeeded in shutting down two crappy offenses.

Minnesota (+3.5) over Chicago
My heart's really not in this one. I think Chicago will cover. Nevertheless, Minnesota does have players named Joey Goodspeed and Napoleon Harris. Those are cool names. Plus Fred Smoot. Don't underestimate Fred Smoot.

Miami (-10.5) over Tennessee
This seems like a ridiculously large spread for two awful teams. That said, Daunte Culpepper will not crap the bed in this one. Tennessee is so awful and Miami's defense is so decent that Culpepper will at least have many, many, many opportunities to drive the field. He will blow several of these, but by the law of averages alone, should score a few times. I need to believe this because I idiotically drafted Culpepper in my public fantasy league. Thank god I also drafted Chad Pennington. hahahahaha. No, really, I'm serious. Chad Pennington has bailed my ass out the first two week. Anyway, Culpepper can always just hand off to Ronnie Brown all game. Foolproof, right?

Tampa Bay (+3) over Carolina
My heart's not really in this one either. I'm kinda rooting to see Jon Gruden blow a gasket. He won't, though, because Mike Alstott plays like it's 2001 and rushes for 2 TDs. Man, do you remember when he used to pull trucks in the parking lot back at Purdue? That shit was legendary (I looked for a link, but I guess it's hard to find local news articles from 1994 on the internets. Who knew?).

Houston (+4) over Washington
Mario Williams decides it's time to play like he's the #1 pick. What better time to do it than against a brittle, slow, and retarded-looking Mark Brunell? There is none. Brunell is sacked by Super Mario 4 times, finally forcing Daniel Snyder to wake up from his coma and say, "Wait, you mean to tell me that MARK BRUNELL is the quarterback of my team?"

Gage's Picks of Confidence (Week 3)

4-1 week two. I wanted to brag about it all week, but I waited. Being so modest is what makes me truly awesome. That's right, only Detroit really screwed me over last week. Apparently they really are as bad as advertised. I'm well on my way to re-enacting "Two For The Money." Which, if you haven't seen it is exactly as you'd expect it to be. Which means I'm still months away from my total meltdown and wrecking a Ferarri or something. This week seems to have some more obvious picks than last week, so here's where I get my ass handed to me.

Atlanta (-4) over New Orleans
This line seems awful low for a tough Atl team that has really pushed people around. Their D is legit. Maybe the Saints have the emotion going for them on their first night back in the Superdome, but they are really the inferior team here. Seriously, you can't beat two wet noodle teams in a row (Cleveland, GB) have everybody on your team's bandwagon. Plus, I don't have Vick on any of my fantasy teams this year so I miss him breaking my heart by going 5/18 with 85 yards and 3 int.

Chicago (-3.5) over Minnesota
Brian Urlacher will eat your children. He is not human. It seems ridiculous to even pick against this Chicago defense, as much as it pains me. No, I don't think Grossman is the second coming (sorry to spill the beans on your next column, Mariotti), but this team is solid. More importantly, the Vikings only TD last week was on a fake field goal. You really want to get behind that team? Not me.

Tennessee (+10.5) over Miami
Dante has apparently forgotten how to be a good QB. I don't buy this bullshit about he lost Moss and all that. he has good recievers and a running back who I think can be a badass. So why am I picking against them? Because he lost it. Sometimes you lose it and it never comes back (see Ken Griffey Jr.). Kerry Collins is good enough to cover. Just barely.

Carolina (-3) over Tampa Bay
Easiest pick of the week. Carolina is DESPERATELY in need of a win. Steve Smith might be back and Tampa is gawd awful. Gruden's forehead is going to start growing new veins to pop out this season. John Fox is going to out coach him. This is my lock of the week. Which of course means Tampa wins huge.

Washington (-4) over Houston
Eek. This one sucks, these teams suck. Maybe Portis comes back and I'm vidicated. Come on shoulder! I'm picking against the Texans because screw texas. That is all.

Last Week: 4-1
Season: 7-3

Jon's Picks:
Atlanta (-4) over New Orleans
Chicago (– 3.5) over Minnesota
Jacksonville (+7) over Indy
Carolina (-3) over Tampa Bay
Detroit vs Green Bay - the Under, 39 (Gage's Note: Not sure if this counts)

Last Week: 3-2
Season: 8-2