You see, it would be this mat that you would put on the floor...

and would have different CONCLUSIONS written on it that you could JUMP TO." Obviously, Jay Mariotti has been taking notes from Office Space numbnut Tom Smykowski. As much as I hate to validate anything that spews forth from the Sun-Times resident Heiney bird and ghhhhhh...how I hate this show... Around the Horn talking head (because we all know it's just the attention he craves), the sheer idiocy of his most recent Sox-bashing column is pretty difficult to ignore.

Now, Boise Wants Jay does a better and more consistent job of bashing Jay than I could ever or would want to do, and even Deadspin does a pretty admirable job of following his idiocy. And while Jay the Joke essentially beat me to the punch on this one, I'd like to expand a little bit more on precisely how nonsensical this sky-is-falling numbnuttery really is.

Says Mariotti, "Well, swallow this: The starting rotation stinks. I can say that smirkily after watching a raggedy Jose Contreras [...] I can say that snarkily after watching a wild Jon Garland." I suppose at least Mariotti has a semblance of a grasp on the one register in which he writes columns--smirk and snark. But that's about all he has a firm grasp on.

He goes on to say "I realize these are only two games," but it's not clear that he really does. I guess now that the Sox are 2-2 following good performances from Nick Masset and Javy Vazquez, we can expect a bold Mariotti column prognosticating a .500 finish, calling for Masset to replace Contreras in the rotation, and begging Kenny to throw more money at Vazquez so the Sox can lock him up beyond his current 3-year contract.

But that's not even the most baffling element of the column. Mariotti seems to indicate that the White Sox (his ire is directed at Ozzie, Kenny, and Jerry) run the club in a egotistical, spendthrift fashion--not spending enough on the open market and not getting enough in return for trades. Nevermind Freddy Garcia's arm is ready to fall off. No matter that the talent in return for McCarthy is already starting to pay off. Nevermind the fact that there was no talent on the market better, for the price, than what the Sox already had in house.

I guess he missed the memo that the South Siders have the 5th highest payroll in baseball, nearly $10 million more than even the Soriano/Lilly/Marquis buying Cubs (oh, that's right, he doesn't bother to do any research). Despite the high payroll, I guess the Sox really should have gone out and spent money on guys like Gil Meche and Ted Lilly this offseason--they won their first starts, after all. Check back at the All-Star break, Jay, and we'll see how the Sox rotation stacks up against these chumps.

It's really a wonder to me that Mariotti is still employed by the Sun-Times, particularly considering the legions of sports bloggers out there who regularly write more informed, thoughtful, and well-written posts than virtually any Mariotti column. Sure, controversy sells... to a point. But doesn't it seem like there should be some sort of law of diminishing returns here? Maybe that just makes me some sort of naive idealist, but how many people must Mariotti make want to go all Office Space copier on his ass before the Sun-Times realizes that this guy doesn't incite rage because he writes anything worthwhile? Rather, he's proven consistently that he's merely a petulant, juvenile, ignorant, self-absorbed little man with a penchant for writing and reasoning on a sixth grade level. Ladies and gentlemen, the face of the Chicago Sun-Times sports section!

I'll let Jay himself close out this post, because, well, he's better at making himself look stupid than I am, as he's clearly and delightfully unfamiliar with the concept of "the pot calling the kettle black." The coup de grace, boys and girls: "It might help if Ozzie, Kenny and Jerry would just shut up. All these people do is yap, and by comparison, the women on 'The View' are pleasing to the ears." Yeah, Jay, riiiiight...

*thanks to reader Dave for the heads-up on this one