As a result of this besmirchment, rumors are flying around indicating that Bud Selig will be pulling George Mitchell off the steroid investigation (that one's a dead end anyway) and he will be re-tasked with policing any suspicious transactions taking place around the league. Possible investigation items include:
- David Eckstein offering up his virginity to the first female to wear his jersey to a game
- Jose Conseco bribing anyone who reads his book with free HGH
- Barry Bonds extorting thousands of dollars of "lunch money" from teammates in what is being called the "upside down ankle holding shake-out of 2007"
- George Steinbrenner enticing Roger Clemens to join the Yankees with the gift of his first born child
- Jeff Weaver receiving 2006 post-season success from Satan in exchange for his soul
- Kerry Wood offering anyone who strikes out on his 82 MPH fastball a jar of his tears