Hey! What's Happening In Soccer? Or: Yet Another Self-Indulgent Post

What's happening? I'll tell you what, it's getting exciting. With apologies to MLS (I swear I'm giving it a chance), the game over in Europe has been really heating up. Look, there's even yelling. For those of you who actually recall reading old posts, I've been diligently following the English Premiership all season and we're really hitting the home stretch now. Keeping up with Liverpool has been fairly easy this season because they have been towards the top of the table (standings) in the EPL for most of the season. However, with the play of Manchester United and Chelsea (combined payroll $4 kajillion) the Reds have been mostly outsiders looking in, even from third place. The good news/bad news of the season is that we're coming down to the wire and there's going to be some important games for those top two teams but on the flip side there's no playoffs like in American sports and Liverpool is basically out of the running. In the place of these playoffs is the Champions League (tournament for the best teams from every league in Europe).

As a useless side note, I'm a little confused by all of this because in the good ole USA, there one champion and that's that. So, I find myself wondering what is more important to an English team, winning the league or the Champions League title? It seems like a toss-up. I know one thing, Liverpool are firmly focused on winning the CL because they have not other options.

In case you don't follow the game, we're in the semifinals now, with the top three English sides and AC Milan (ummm.. Italian, right?). The format includes each team getting a home game and the aggregate score determining the winner, with away goals as the tiebreaker. This last part is a rule that I've decided I hate. The notion that certain goals are worth more than others bothers me and leads to some questionable (if not downright boring) strategies.

This week was the first leg of the semis with the second legs on Tuesday and Wednesday (2:30 pm, set your DVR). Currently, Chelsea leads Liverpool 1-0 and ManU leads AC Milan 3-2, with both of the home teams winning. What's it all mean? Well, both Liverpool and Milan both need to score at home, but the Liverpool is in a bit rougher shape. For example, if Milan wins 2-1 at home they advance (aggregate 4-4, away goals 2-1) but if Liverpool wins by the same score, then they would lose on away goals. So, interestingly Chelsea wants a high scoring game (that they don't lose by more than one) and ManU wants a low scoring game (ditto). I guess what I'm saying is be prepared for a snoozefest in Milan and the possibility of fireworks at Anfield. But, if that doesn't happen, remind yourself that I don't know what the hell I'm talking about.

Some other notes:
Please god of soccer (Pele?) don't let ManU and Chelsea play in the final. I'm tired of that so-called "rivalry" of the extremely wealthy. It's only interesting to their respective fans.

Kaka is awesome. Go look up his goals on YouTube. I think Brazil got too caught up on all the Ronaldinho hype during the World Cup and forgot that this guy is one of the top strikers in the entire world. Poor Brazil.

In other Brazilians with four letter names, if the AC Milan keeper Dida lets a couple of goals slide past him in the second leg, he might just be lynched. Eye on the ball homie.

Chelsea's coach Jose Mourinho is a self-proclaimed genius tactician, but what kind of strategy was he using in the second half Wednesday? Basically let Liverpool posses the ball, play stingy defense, then have Peter Cech crack a deep ball for Drogba 3/4 down the field. Yeah, who could have ever dreamt up that plan? Yawn.

It's fun that Arsenal is at home watching, isn't it? How's fourth place fellas?

And finally, Liverpool has got to find a way to score some goals. I honestly don't care what the lineup looks like, but Steven Gerrard was crap this week and so was Xabi Alonso.

A Memo to the White Sox:

Try not sucking when I actually get to watch a game. Oh, and try not sucking when John Danks starts a game. He's gotten a whopping three runs of support in games he's started. Sure, Danks was pretty mediocre tonight, but you know something's wrong when you hand Chad Durbin his first win since 2004, only manage three hits, strikeout NINE times, and draw no walks against the guy. I'd be tempted to pass it off as Thome and Dye being absent from the lineup tonight, but it was just an awful approach at the plate from all the Sox hitters (and, strangely enough, Steve Phillips and the ESPN crew actually pointed this out, albeit gently). Sigh... there goes that opportunity for a two game sweep.


P.S. I want to root for BA, but he needs to go down to Charlotte. Soon. Because he looks awful. And he should not have been hitting with the bases loaded in the bottom of the ninth and a chance to tie it. I guess Ozzie's just letting him hang himself...

Does a Two-Game Series Victory Constitute a Sweep?

It just doesn't feel right for some reason. Sure, the White Sox "swept" the Royals Monday and Tuesday, but I couldn't help but feeling that there was something dishonest about calling a two-game winning streak--against the Royals, at that--a "sweep". Somehow it just cheapens the thrill of a sweep. And I think the pitiful Royals deserve the opportunity to "salvage" a series after two losses. After all, their whole season is something akin to a salvage job--an opportunity to say, "Hey, we won one out of three! Sure, it's not a good winning percentage, but .333 might win the batting title!"

In other sweep news, the Oakland swept Baltimore in a two game series no one in Baltimore even cared about (total attendance both nights: 28,000) and the BoSox were swept (in a two-game series, natch. That's right, natch) by Toronto after sweeping the Yankees in a three game series. Even disregarding opponents, you get the sense that Boston couldn't care less about dropping two to Toronto (with the back end of their rotation, Wakefield and Tavarez) after coming from behind to beat up on New York's craptastic pitching in three straight.

Maybe it's just because two games can't constitute a streak, while if three doesn't constitute a small streak, I don't know what does. But while I'm at it, I'll just go ahead and say that I'm not a fan of 4 game series either. Call me an idiot. I don't care.

I'm just happy because my Sox are on ESPN against the Tigers tonight and I get my first look at John Danks. Time to sit back, relax, strap it down, and shun some schoolwork.

Scandal in the Heartland!

I just noticed that there may be some impact on my fantasy team because Torii Hunter promised the Royals some expensive champagne if they swept the Tigers at the end of last year. I guess bribery is still not allowed in in professional sports, assuming you get caught that is. Frankly, I'm shocked by these revelations. Outraged, even! This is really only one small step away from gambling on games and I demand that Torii Hunter be given a lifetime ban from baseball. He has besmirched the very essence of the game and can no longer be trusted to compete. (Side note to Torii: Next time, just buy them each one of those "special" lap dances from your favorite gentleman's club. It's how business is done in the modern workplace.)

As a result of this besmirchment, rumors are flying around indicating that Bud Selig will be pulling George Mitchell off the steroid investigation (that one's a dead end anyway) and he will be re-tasked with policing any suspicious transactions taking place around the league. Possible investigation items include:

• David Eckstein offering up his virginity to the first female to wear his jersey to a game
• Jose Conseco bribing anyone who reads his book with free HGH
• Barry Bonds extorting thousands of dollars of "lunch money" from teammates in what is being called the "upside down ankle holding shake-out of 2007"
• George Steinbrenner enticing Roger Clemens to join the Yankees with the gift of his first born child
• Jeff Weaver receiving 2006 post-season success from Satan in exchange for his soul
• Kerry Wood offering anyone who strikes out on his 82 MPH fastball a jar of his tears

My Top 5 Favorite Things About Baseball Being Back

5. There's always something on TV - The Reds have upped their number of games broadcast on FSN Ohio to something in the 140s, even showing a select few in HD. That means 5-6 days a week, I can put aside my MTV reality shows and watch the Reds. Mmmm. Plus, you've got your Sunday, Monday and Wednesday night games on ESPN and the occasional Braves game on TBS. Do I really care to watch the Nationals playing in Atlanta? Any sane person would surely say "no," but the truth is, I can spend a whole inning wondering about alternate spellings of Andruw. It's constant entertainment.

4. A blessed break from basketball - Not that I don't love college basketball, I do. But, after I give up hope on my teams in the tournament, I generally contemplate relocating to Florida or slipping into an alcohol induced coma until opening day. Finally on that early April day, the floodgates open and we're awash in baseball. It's like an enema. Now, I can even tolerate some NBA when I switch over between innings.

3. Joe Morgan - I know he's collectively loathed by a whole sect of baseball fans, but I really can't understand why. Sure, he wears a goofy grin and occasionally stumbles over his words, but I really do think he understands the game. And he at least attempts to add baseball analysis as opposed to your Tim McCarvers of the world. Plus, it's nice to have such an obvious Reds' homer in the national media. For some reason, he always seems exceedingly jolly. By that, I mean he's in the same mood I would be if I got paid to watch baseball every day. Can't hate a guy for that.

2. Fantasy drafts - I love fantasy baseball. But, for some reason, I'm way better at fantasy football, which I can't explain. Every year, I think I've got a draft "system" worked out and nobody will be able to crack my code. I do a few practice drafts and jot down notes. I've got a list of sleepers and "stay away" guys. We're talking about a month-long system here. My added motivation lately has been my complete lack of any ability to prevent Trout from winning. He's won at least four years running now. It's pathetic. Of course, as soon as the draft starts, I'm a complete mess and everything falls apart. It's really a delicate house of cards. This year actually went okay, and I'm ahead of Trout in the standings so far. However, what this really means is I'm so insecure about it that I spend multiple hours every day doing research. I might win this league, but I'll probably get fired in the process.

1. Bemoaning the fates of our respective teams - It's amazing how often I can say the following things (more or less):

"Man, the Reds fucking blew another one"

"Seriously, how hard is it to find a reliever who's as good at pitching as he is at spitting sunflower seeds?

"Why is that guy smiling? Don't smile, asshole, you're still losing."

"Well, at least we're better than the Cubs."

Somehow, it really doesn't get old. I can call Trout on any given night when either of our teams are losing and it's the same thing. I think it's therapeutic to bitch about something besides my real life. And, like my life, it seems to be something different every day.

Man, I love baseball.

A Sweep Squandered

(Disclaimer: what follows are ramblings probably only of interest to a White Sox fan. Sorry, but that's all I've got right now.)

As much as it sucks to be one out away from a series sweep on the road and a five game winning streak, I can't say that I'm all that displeased with taking two of three from the Tigers. Yes, it's a golden opportunity lost. Yes, it may come back to bite the Sox in the ass in September. But I'm going to will myself to have a positive outlook on this season; there's enough negativity out there on the internets to go around without me chiming in.

What I take from the weekend is that the Sox are starting to win series, and winning series is what it takes to make the playoffs. You don't have to be dominant, you just have to be consistently better than the other guy. And I feel like the Sox are moving towards that, having taken 3 of the last 4 series.

So far, Kenny Williams is looking pretty decent as far as the whole McCarthy-to-Texas trade. McCarthy is 1-3 and sporting a robust 10.20 ERA after getting absolutely shelled in his last two starts (6 ER in 1 IP against the A's, 6 ER in 2 IP against the Mariners, of all teams).

Meanwhile, John Danks has looked like a passable 5th starter, and has at least made it into the 5th inning of all his starts (which is more than you can say for, oh, I dunno, Jose Contreras). Sure, he's no Rich Hill, but you know what? I have a feeling Rich Hill is no Rich Hill either. If that makes any sense. Which it should.

Anyway, add Nick Masset's great long relief performances (I'll forgive him today's loss--he still pitched 2 innings of shutout ball before the Tigers made him pay for his leadoff walk to Pudge), and Kenny is getting closer and closer to being able to tell people "I told you so."

In other retrospective trade musings, Chris Young, who, of course, can still develop into a really great centerfielder, is playing at an Erstad/BA level right now (hitting .189 with a .254 OBP), so we're not missing out on anything there. Javy Vazquez, meanwhile, is sporting a 2.50 ERA heading into his start against the Royals on Tuesday. Don't make me the fool by sucking on Tuesday, Javy.

Now if only Paulie could wake up out of his funk... maybe the Royals will be just what the doctor ordered.

With the Cubbies in the cellar and Lou Piniella on the verge of blowing up Charlie Manuel style...

... it seemed like an appropriate time to dig up this little gem of a Cubs manager rant from yesteryear (Lee Elia, 1983). This year's Cubs are better than the 1983 5-14 start, but hey, if they lose their next 4, they'll be 6-14. Close enough. How long until Piniella jumps on the fanbase, I wonder? Soon, I hope. Enjoy (NSFW).

"The Reds Are Decidedly Not Terrible": Cincinnati Reds Early Season Review

Last year's collapse by the Reds was a tough one. They were in first place in a decidedly mediocre Wild Card race for what seemed like two months. And then, the dreaded two-week west coast road trip came about. It started August 24th in San Fransisco and ended September 3rd in San Diego. Before that trip I remember thinking "well, if they go .500 on this trip, they'll still be in the race." Of course, they went 2-8 and came home to fresh sheets and no playoff chances. There's nothing like staying up until 1:30 am (and on a weeknight! ....gah, I'm getting old) just to watch your team choke away the season.

Did I really think the Reds had a chance to make some noise in the playoffs? No, not really. But, neither did Cards fans, either, I'd say. Do I think they have a chance this year? Actually, I do. Up until the Wednesday and Thursday games, the pitching staff had been lights-out. Of course, I should have written this post two days ago, before they squashed my argument when the bullpen blew consecutive games to the Astros. That said, the starting pitching has been tough. Bronson Arroyo has a 3.25 ERA through four starts. Sadly, I'm pretty sure he's going to have to join a support group for as well as he's been pitching to still have zero wins. Just bad luck though, really. The real story is the back end of the rotation where Kyle Lohse and Matt Belisle have left nothing to be desired. Did you see Lohse's 12 strikeout game the other night? And, against the Cubs even.

Maybe it's just me, but I don't like to worry too much about bullpens or #5 starters. Sure, it's great to have a stud closer, and you really do have to have someone to turn to at the end of the season when you need an out. But, I guess what I'm saying is that these are the sort of things that get sorted out over the course of the year with guys getting called up and sent down, or the well-timed trade. And, I think there's some talent in Louisville for the Reds. Just you wait. Some guy named Johnny Fifteenminutes will record 9 saves in September and all the problems are solved.


In a strange twist of fate, the offense was the big question mark for me coming into the season. And, there's still some issues to sort out. The bad news: David Ross has decided to do his best Jason LaRue impression with 14 K's in his 35 plate appearances. Note to Dave: Adam Dunn - Power = .121 BA. However, the good news is Josh Hamilton (aka Roy Hobbs) has come back from years of drug addiction to be one of the best players (pardon the limited sample size) I've ever seen. He's a smart, strong hitter and his swing makes Adam Dunn look like a windmill by comparison. He's got me so excited, I already pulled my annual fantasy "ill-advised Reds' player pickup." I guess there's always time for two.

Anyway, before the season started, I had the Reds at 3rd of 4th in the division. Right now I'm not ruling out anything. There's just not a really good team in the division. I know, 8-8 isn't winning the pennant, but .500 keeps you in the Wild Card race. If they get a couple of relievers from nowhere and the offense plays the way it should, they could win the division. Not that I'm predicting it or anything.

What, Oh What Could Be the Source of A-Rod's 2007 Heroics?

Easy: the high socks. Coincidence? Probably, but my money's on the socks and not just A-Rod's boundless talent finally penetrating the New York malaise. That malaise is only penetrable by the sort of karma meaningless wardrobe changes can bring.

Yeah, I'm probably way behind everyone else in mentioning this. But it bears repeating that A-Rod hit his 10th homer of the season today in high socks (boy am I glad I passed him up for Ryan Howard in my fantasy league). Apparently sometimes all a guy needs to get over the bad vibes in a city is a change in his wardrobe. Look good, feel good is what I say to anyone who will listen. And boy, does A-Rod look good right now. And I say that in the least homoerotic way possible. If that's possible. Which it's probably not.

The 2006 sad, pants-down-to-the ankles, error-committing A-Rod:



The 2007 jubilant, jacked-up-pants, walk-off-homer-hitting A-Rod:


Case closed.

No. Freakin'. Hitter.

First game I haven't caught at least a piece of on the radio or TV and this is what happens. Maybe I need to tune out more often.

This is the kind of thing that can set the tone for a season. Erase those first twelve games from your memory. This is now a team that can throw no-hitters, field the freaking baseball, and hit home runs with two out and the bases loaded. I couldn't be happier for Mark Buehrle. He's maybe the last guy in the rotation I'd expect; the first guy I'd like to see do it.

Javy, don't let this team come crashing back to reality tomorrow. Let's beat the headhunter and take the series at home, rolling into Detroit like the best team in the AL (maybe Garland knew something all along, eh?).