... or maybe he's desperately campaigning to play for the Carmines (here's lookin' at you Hawk Harrelson), like that girl at the bar who's trying just a little too hard. How do I know this, you ask? Well, luckily I've been blessed for a keen eye to fashion cues and what they mean for the game on the field.
Tuning into the Red Sox-Rockies game last night (does watching every single game make me a Red Sox fan? I can't decide), the first thing I wondered was where, oh where has the fresh faced Todd Helton of 2006 gone?
He's been replaced with a Todd Helton sporting an ass-ugly goatee, suspiciously like that of...
Kevin Youkilis, the guy he probably would've kicked off of first base had the Helton for Lowell/Tavarez/prospects trade gone through.
No prayer of that happening with Lowell and Youkilis both knocking the cover off the ball, and poor Todd is left to play for good ol' mediocre Colorado, mourning--or living vicariously--through his facial hair.
P.S. Joe Crede had back surgery yesterday and may never play another game in a Sox uniform (although that's probably overstating it--he should be ready to go by 2008, and his trade value is pretty questionable until he proves he can produce post-surgery). Sad. How quickly our heroes (read: man-crushes) fall.
In other news, Ozzie thinks the White Sox losing is like having blue balls night after night. How, I'm not exactly sure--perhaps because we know they have the potential, it just isn't happening? Anyway, from the Sun-Times: "As far as the latest loss by the Sox (27-33), Guillen compared it to kissing a girlfriend each night, hoping it finally is time to go further, before she once again announces it's time to leave." I wish I knew what the actual quote was instead of that bland paraphrase... so it goes.
P.P.S. Apropos of nothing, but this picture is too great not to post: