God bless the internet, and god bless professional athlete blogs sponsored by the league's official sites. Today's intrepid blogger is Chris Young, mediocre starter for the mediocre San Diego Padres. Let's take a quick peek inside Chris' head for a moment and break down his latest post.
Quote: "Saturday was another great day here in Tokyo. Today was the first organized sightseeing tour and it was very interesting."
Translation: "Five hours on a tour bus with these assholes? I would never have believed you if you'd told me Bronson Arroyo could spend four hours solely on the topic of cornrows. And seriously Howard, I don't care how many goddamned homers you hit last year. Farting into somebody's pack lunch is not fucking funny."
Quote: "It was a funny sight to see a group of tall and strong MLB players towering over the friendly Japanese people. We got a lot of funny looks and giggles to say the least."
Translation: "GODZILLLLLLAAAAAAA hungry!!!! Flee for your lives you pitiful munchkins!"
Quote: "Standing in the Kannon temple gave me great appreciation for the history of Japan, which dates back much much longer than the United States. America seems like such a new country relative to the ancient history of other places like Japan."
Translation: "...except for all those cities we nuked the hell out of you kamkaze scumbags. Those are pretty new because we leveled them. G.B.A. bitches. God Bless America."
Quote: "When the Japanese pitcher walked [Ryan Howard] on four straight pitches in his third at bat the fans became very upset, voicing their displeasure at the pitcher."
Translation: "Don't be a pussy, even in front of your home crowd. I learned that lesson the hard way from Mike Piazza. HAHAHA, gotcha. Piazza's a fucking pantywaist. I hate that guy."
Quote: "Lyle Overbay provided the finishing touches with a homerun in the top of the 9th to extend our lead and Brian Fuentes closed out the game to earn the save."
Translation: "I have no fucking clue who Lyle Overbay and Brian Fuentes are."
Quote: "The two games against NPB have both been extremely competitive and exciting, exactly what was expected of the series. Fortunately we have come out on the winning end both times."
Translation: "When does the plane leave? What? We have more games? If I have to stay here, will someone at least tell David Wright that no, I do not want to hear about the time he made out with Lindsay Lohan at Butter?"