5.07.2007

What I Know & Why I'm An Idiot: Round 2

I know that the Reds really can compete for a playoff spot in the Central. They have starting pitching and a pretty solid lineup. They've even been playing better defense this year (or at least Adam Dunn says he's trying harder, and we all know what matters is that you try your best). Plus, they've got the Josh Hamilton Experience just gaining steam and warm fuzzies all over the land.

I'm an idiot because, well they keep fucking losing. And not just losing, blowing winnable games. I occasionally wake up screaming after another nightmare about the bullpen. The falling dream is nothing compared to the "blown four-run lead in the bottom of the 9th" dream. Now, that'll make you wet the bed. I'm also an idiot because I'm putting a whole lot of faith in 36 year old Eddie Guardado coming back from an arm injury to being the closer. I'm not proud of my flawed belief system, but it's all I've got.

I know that the dentist is going to tell me to floss more every time I see him, just like he did today. I also know that he has a bigshot degree, but I'd be nice to see him for more than five minutes per visit.

I'm an idiot because I never take his advice and now I have three brand new cavities waiting to get filled next week. Bring on the Novocaine!

I know that I've become completely apathetic towards this whole Bonds business. It's a foregone conclusion that he's going to break the record now and I couldn't care less. Despite the report Trout mentions below, the media has saturated us with so much talk about it that any ardent follower of the sport knows he did 'roids and knows the record will be tainted. So, I just don't care.

I'm an idiot because... well, because fuck Barry Bonds, that's why. He's a cheater and an asshole and doesn't deserve to break the record. Plus, what kind of worthless SOB do you have to be the most famous player in the game, have your own reality show and still not be able to make anybody like you? Plus, he looks like one of those squeezable dolls where there head blows up and the eyes bugg out. Screw you fat head.

I know that I was really excited for the boxing match Saturday night. Mayweather came off looking like a real piece of garbage beforehand (although I did like him referring to himself as "the 50 Cent of boxing." What's that mean, Floyd? Two hits and then your career is over?). So I was rooting for De La Hoya, even though I had money on Mayweather. We bought the fight and all got together to watch it. I hadn't done that in a long time, and it was fun.

I'm an idiot because the fight was generally pretty boring, just like boxing tends to be today. It went exactly as everybody predicted with Mayweather just being too quick for Oscar. Snooze. Nobody even got hurt in this fight. It was light a couple of heavyweights (in the bad defensive and grabby sort of way). I'm officially done with boxing. At least I won money on Mayweather.

I know that the Kentucky Derby is always one of my favorite days of the year. If you live in KY and can't find a Derby party to go to, you're not looking. We had a grand time, and I made some wagers and drank some beer. And then some more. There's nothing quite like showing up at a partying and hearing "Hey Gage, free keg beer. It was leftover from some frat party." Really? I mean I'm still in my 20s but frat beer? Not that I didn't drink it, of course.

I'm an idiot because I always feel the need to bet more money than I have any business betting on the race. It's really amazing how quickly a trifecta can go to shit. In the blink of an eye, really. Let's just say I had multiple tickets and not one of them had Street Sense on it. Ugh. It's a good thing you can't be addicted to gambling. Whew.

I know that I haven't been posting much lately and I blame that on a number of issues, such as having a "real job" and "responsibilities."

I'm an idiot because I'm really just lazy. I know it's hard to believe, but sometimes I want to just lay on the couch with my pants off watching a Reds' game. Is that so wrong?

10 comments:

Notorious B.O.B. said...

Does anyone actually floss? I feel like flossing is just some ridiculous thing that dentists created a long time ago knowing that no one would ever do it. This way they would always have some advise for you when you leave and some excuse why you have a cavity.

Its genius really, just like how they say you should "shower daily" and "Not mix cocaine and heroin".
Whatever Doc, I don't need your lies!

Jason said...

I thought the fight was more exciting then the derby. Did anyone else see Kenny Mayne interview the Governor of Kentucky in the pre-pre race coverage? I don't know if it was a joke or not but he seemed to be really laying into him. "Are you still a member of the Communist party?"

And why do they need 6 hours of pre-race coverage? All that six hours did was allow me ample time to make fun of everything Kentucky. I love watching rich people talk and act stupid. In 3 hours of watching ESPN, I only saw three black people inside of Churchill Downs and one of them was walking a horse. So much for my last comment about racism coming to an end in America.

Gage said...

Yeah, I have little to no interest in what tv people have to say about horse racing. Lots of people DO like to see the fancy hats, though.

Anonymous said...

I'm sending the bill for my MLB season ticket package to Todd Coffey and Mike Stanton.

Every game is Reds-in-it-until-the-8th, and then the statistical improbability of them not being able to get 6 more outs without giving up 2-8 runs to finally lose the game.

And there's NOTHING ANYONE CAN DO ABOUT IT.

How long until the Bengals pre-season?

Gage said...

Ugh, another one tonight too. I refuse to believe there's no way to fix this bullpen. It's not like you have to give up a superstar to get bullpen help. Shoot, call up Bailey and put him in the 'pen.

trout said...

Poor Gage. I remember you being so in love with JavaMan once upon a time.

Apparently the Reds' GM believes you don't have to trade away superstars to get mediocre bullpen help, just FLopez and Kearns to get dudes like Gary Majewski, Bill Bray, and Royce Clayton. If trades like that keep going down, the Reds might have to ban alcohol in the GM's box.

I'd say something about the White Sox building an awesome bullpen the past couple years with guys like Matt Thornton, David Aardsma, and Mike MacDougal, but MacDougal just laid a big turd all over the game tonight.

I think the lesson is that maybe a bullpen is better built in free agency and the farm system than through trades. Or not. Whatever. Just a thought.

Maybe the Red Legs can get a washed-up Mariano Rivera next year. That'd make the Opening Day Parade even more exciting, no?

Tittle500 said...

I just watched two renditions of Take Me Out to the Ballgame in person... rode my bike from a work meeting home... and on my way decided to stop by and watch the Cubs pen close out a 3-2 win over the Bucs...

welp... ended up staying for more than my anticipated 3 innings... as I stood and watched from right field for 8 innings...

all for a 4-3 loss..

alas... it was a fun night...

Tittle500 said...

Hey Gage...

I wish we could watch all of the Fulham matches together...

I hope Dempsey and McBride can carry them next year...

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