2.15.2007

We must protect this leafy green wall-crawling plant!

Well, I guess this is what you get. The Cubs went out and spent a shitload of money bringing in players this off season, so you knew something had to give. Well it did. The franchise has officially spit in the face of every Cubs' fan who loves Wrigley and the tradition by putting advertisements in with the outfield ivy. And this is no ad for Wrigley's chewing gum either. Shoot, who needs tradition when you have Alfonso Soriano? The best part about this is that the bleacher bums probably won't even notice until it's pointed out that a game is going on, by which point they'll be drunk enough to believe that it's some fancy new gardening technique. The upside is this could help Kerry Wood land an endorsement deal: "I always rehab in my Under Armor!"

7 comments:

trout said...

Marketing directors are soulless shiteaters, and here's why, courtesy Cubs' resident soulless shiteater Jay Blunk... yes, Blunk: "It's a beautiful place and it draws people, but then again, it does limit your revenue streams and is quite expensive to maintain. This is a way we can counter-balance that, and help us attain these blue-chip free agents such as Alfonso Soriano, who, by the way, is a spokesman for Under Armour."

First of all, he talks about maintaining the ivy being expensive... but wait, I thought the ad was only going on the green doors! Doors are expensive to maintain, Mr. Blunk? I'm confused. Well, not really confused--obviously this Under Armour ad is just the tip of the iceberg and the Cubs plan to rip out some actual ivy if outrage about this blows over.

Second of all, they can't be getting more than a few million per year out of this. Will this really help them sign more Ted Lillys? Let's hope so. Seriously.

Third of all, "Corporate synergy rocks. Did you know the Cubs, Soriano, and Under Armour are all buddies? Well, we are. Which means that Alfonso and the Cubs PROTECT THEIR HOUSE with motherfucking Under Armour and you should too. And hey, Under Armour told us that they'd toss in an extra million this season if Soriano ran into the Under Armour sign at least 10 times this year. We jumped at the chance. That'll pay a tenth of Ted Lilly's contract this year! What a deal!"

Fourth, 7-11 is a much cooler corporate partner than Under Armour. Just ask the White Sox when they start all their games at 7:11 this year.

Fifth, fuck the Cubs.

Notorious B.O.B. said...

...6th: Hawk Harrelson could kick Bob Brenly's ass!

YouTellEmKellen said...

I pretty much hate the cubs, always have.

I pretty much hate Wrigley (mostly because of the fans).

But I could always appreciate that Ivy, one of the only positive things I could ever say about the entire Cubs organization. Well, at least I don't have to worry about that anymore.

So now Cubs fans not only have to suffer through Jason Marquis giving up HRs left and right, but they will be reminded each time of how the Cubs are paying for his services each time a ball flies over an ad on the ivy.......

Jason said...

I hate Jay Blunk. If it were up to him they'd just tear down Wrigley and put up a shit-hole like the new Comiskey Park. Blunk must have worked for the south-siders in 1990.

Plus Under Armour is getting a deal considering all the publicity they'll be getting in October.

Tittle500 said...

i hate this mess... but unlike youtellemkellen...

the yankee fan in me has to cheer for all of this money spent...

I hope the cubs have a good year... it'll make living so close to the stadium a lot more fun...

when I ride my bike home at night and pass the field... I like looking up at the flags and seeing a little "W" flag...

Jason said...

I want to visit and go to a game this summer tittle500.

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